233 231. Self-abandoned wine.txt




 I don't remember much about what happened after that confession.
 But I do know where I am now.

 The sound of the hustle and bustle reverberates in my ears.
 The sound of dishes scraping against each other. The sound of chewing your food with gusto, without regard to manners. Tongues, lightened by liquor, turn and belly laughs echo from the depths of my stomach. Sometimes mixed in with the occasional angry voice, there are soon voices cheering and enjoying it. The background music is played by those who are enjoying the respite at the end of the day.

 This is a bar.
 And the time of day is night.
 The ruffians who have finished their search in the labyrinth realize that they are still alive today. More than half of that hustle and bustle is laughter. Just being here will lift your spirits. Everyone comes here to stir up the booze for that strange feeling of elation.

 It's just that I--

'Woah, woah, that's awful ....... Christ boy, what's up with this ......

 In the midst of the hustle and bustle, I heard the voice of the warrior Crowe, an acquaintance of mine from the tavern.
 But my vision is still black, and the world is still dark.
 With my face still lying face down on the table, I don't even feel like looking up to greet him. It was the same when Lin-san, the clerk, came in.

''Eh, what is this? Christ, Mr. Christ, what's going on ......?

 After that cathedral confession, we were treated well enough, and then politely sent home.
 However, my memory of that hospitality and the way home is shockingly vague. I don't remember anything that has happened since then, or where we went.

I went to my old girlfriend to press for reinstatement, and she painfully dumped me, didn't she ......?

 Titi doesn't hesitate to mention the reason for her shock.
 A sadness hits me like a dagger in the back.

'Buh-hah, really? Seriously, that story!
'Yeah, yeah! Ehhh?

 Then Crow and Lin shouted loudly and gyrated their daggers. I'd like to think it's my imagination that there's a hint of joy in their voices.

''At least that's what it looked like to the child.
'Haha, that's funny--no, I'm sorry to hear that!
'What? Why? Hey, Mr. Titi, why not?

 It's impossible to look up anymore.
 No, I don't want to move at all to begin with, but .......

'What, that's what you're talking about ....... Okay, I'll just focus on the store. You guys, you're in charge.

 Apparently, the manager had come to see me because he was worried about me.
 Only to find out that the thing was a dumping story, and he quickly pulled back. I could hear it in the footsteps.

'Manager, you said you were in charge ....... I mean, you know, Christ-kun, cheer up. Christ-kun has a whole bunch of girls! If you ask me, you've been hanging out in a lot of places!

 Lin, who was in charge, gives me a very frightening pep talk.
 I thought I didn't feel like doing anything, but I knew I had to correct that mistake or risk my life, so I moved my body and my mouth a little bit.

'Yes and no ....... It's a rumor: ......

 Seeing my reaction, which had been stationary for a long time, Mr. Crowe followed suit and gave me a pep talk.

'Christ boy, there's more than one woman! If you're feeling upset, I'm gonna take you someplace nice, okay? It's a nice place to clear your head and allow you to find the next girl!
'No. ....... I'll refrain from doing that kind of thing: .......

 But all of that encouragement is just too misplaced and troubling.

'Kanamin! That's what happens when you try to have an affair! You can say those words to my friend Nosfi now! I think that's going to do everything right, child! Everybody happy!
Hey, shut up, Titty.
'Huh? Harsh only for the children!

 Everything Titi speaks is too problematic.
 I still appreciated the kindness of calling Nosfi a friend, but that word choice was a failing grade by a comfortable margin.

 When I silenced Titty with a low voice, it was Reiner next.
 But unlike everyone else, he sounded awfully serious.

'So, what is my Lord going to do now? What's stopping you here? Or are you going to give up on Lastiara once and for all?

 I regained a bit of composure and strength in his voice.
 I thought that Ryner, the knight, was testing me, the Lord.
 I have a duty to answer that.

 I knew this from the beginning.
 There's no way I'm good at anything.
 The world is not easy, so it's only natural that as long as we are alive we will fall over and over again. That's why you must always have a strong heart and keep looking ahead.

'No, Reiner. It's not both: ......!

 I sit up firmly, look up, and look at Ryner.
 I step out of the darkness and see the light of the world.
 I'm done being stunned. I've been able to gather my thoughts sufficiently.

'I didn't confess my half-hearted thoughts that I could give up so easily. And, of course, I'm not going to stop dead in my tracks.
Huh. What if it's neither?
'I'll give you some time and then we'll go back to talk about it all over again. I think the problem is that I was in too much of a hurry to confess today. Besides, there was a lot of other talk.
Is ...... going to confess again, too?
'Of course. I think of Rastiala as the only (・・・・・・・・・) person in the world (・・・・) who is destined to be the only (・・・・・・・・・) person in the world. I have no intention of ending it today.

 There's one answer that I've sorted out. That's what I mean.
 Thanks to Reiner, 'that word' that hadn't come out for a long time came out smoothly.

 Ah, yes.
 There is only one destiny that a person should be with.
 And for me, that person of destiny was Rustyala.
 The skill '??' is thanks to the skill 'Pledge of the Deepest (Di Cavernator)', or maybe it's because I've become stronger in my heart after surviving the Palinkron battle. Or maybe it's another reason (・・・・・・・・・). Finally, now, I realize that and I'm sure of it.

'Doomed ......? But they refused me so definitively. I'm sure they think it's over.
'No, now that I think about it calmly, I think there's another reason why I was rejected earlier: ....... At that time, Rastiala was angry with me. I have a feeling it wasn't just for my frivolity. If I could review that, I would still--
'But you might keep getting rejected over and over again. It seems more likely that you'll try your best, but it's all for naught in the end. And yet? ......?

 I think I'm speaking positively, but Ryner repeats the confirmation with a reluctant look on his face. He may think I'm an unpromising man.
 But my feelings will not change.
 It's natural. It's not a good idea to be able to have a good time with them.

'But still. Even if you keep getting rejected, it's fine. I don't care if it's in vain, because I don't want anything in return. I'm not saying that I love Rastiala because I'm not looking for something in return. --I'm not going to change my mind if this feeling is something that will never come true. I'm not going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to do anything about it. That's the only thing I'll ever do.

 So I made it clear to Reiner, as it should be, that it was obvious.

'Go to ......, heh. Is that what you think, Christ is ....... Isn't this an admission of heartbreak? No, I'm not admitting it or whatever. Hmmm ....... Well, if Christ is okay with it, that's okay. ...... no matter how heavy it is, I'm just going to go along with it.

 Ryner, who had been reluctant for a long time, shrugged his shoulders, as if he had given up on something. He seemed to have a lot to say personally, but he took a step back and promised to cooperate.

'Thanks, Ryner. I knew you'd understand.

 It's reassuring to have this reliable knight on my side.
 Having a liner there gives me the courage to continue to have a heart that won't give up.

'No, I'll cooperate, but I don't understand that unfamiliar view of love ....... I'll cooperate, but you know what, .......

 And then we shake hands with the squire.
 Now that we have a clear idea of what we are going to do, my body's vitality has returned to me. I stop falling on my face and look around at the faces around me.

''Whoa! They're back in action! Resurrection, resurrection!
'Christ, you're single-minded: ....... No. Is this a single-mindedness?

 Titi and Lin are happy to see me back, and then Crow holds me by the shoulders with a bottle of wine in each hand. If I look closely, I can see that Mr. Crow's face is red. Apparently, he's been drunk for a long time.

'Resurrection! I don't know about this, but drink up! Booze! What better way to forget about it than with a bottle of booze to get you going!
'Yes! Maybe that's the kind of thing you want to do once in a while! After all, this is a bar!

 I guess that's how we often solve problems here. Lin agrees.
 The scent of barley rises from the white foam of the ale (beer) thrust in front of me.

'Booze ......?'

 It's a completely unfamiliar drink.
 I never took a sip of it even when I was working.

I'm already drinking. Mmm, it's good to drink with Kanamin's money. Drinking sake with Kanami's money is good for forgetting bad things.

 There are many people who drink alcohol to forget about bad things.
 I've seen many people change their mind by using alcohol well while working. Rather than forgetting, many people use it as a trigger to change their mind.
 Maybe it's my experience working in a bar, but I'm not that negative about drinking. Of course, I'm not negative about alcohol, except for those who get drunk and cause trouble for others.

 And my memory of the day is ...... yucky. Very bad.
 I'm embarrassed and petrified after I made a poor confession of impatience and begged him to be with me somehow, and he refused it once and for all, and I ...... am embarrassed and petrified.

 All at once, the ale liquor in front of me is starting to look attractive.

 If I could change my mind, I would.
 Age-wise, in my world, it's something you shouldn't drink, but in this world, there is no age limit. There were days when it was okay to drink rudely in my world as well. I don't think it's that unavoidable as long as you follow the capacity usage.

'Well then, since we're here, let's have a few drinks: ......

 It was recommended by Crow, a senior explorer.
 I accept the cup of ale without a shred of refusal.

 I stare at it for a few seconds.
 I try to pour the liquid down my throat and into my stomach. 

 My larynx moves loudly, gulping it down.
 Naturally, it's bitter ...... but it's refreshing.
 The ale that I swallowed seemed to wash away all the stagnation that had stuck in my throat and body.
 After gulping down a wooden cupful, I fill my lungs with the cheerful air of the bar.

''--Puh-hah!''
Oh. Nice drink.

 This seemed to be the right way to drink. I didn't work in a tavern on the date.

 There is still a bitter taste on the back of my tongue. But it's not unpleasant. In fact, it's even refreshing. This is booze. Ale. Heh .......

'I've never had alcohol before, but it's not a bad thing.
"--What? Is this your first time!

 When I honestly told them that it was my first time, the people around me gave me a rare look. However, among them, only Ryner made an impatient voice.

 Indeed, I know myself that it's rare at this age. But in the original world, he was thoroughly stopped by his sister.

 But, strangely (・・・・), I didn't feel like complying with it today. I'm not sure I've ever had a ...... unprecedented sense of liberation (...), as if the 'something' that had been binding me for a long time had been untied. A drink or two of alcohol shouldn't be too much of a fuss.

'Ki, Christ ....... Are you okay? Are you sure you're okay with drinking?
That's okay. Most people my age are drinking. And I'm a very healthy guy.
'I hope you're okay ....... Depending on how drunk you are, the problem is ......

 Only Ryner had persistently tried to stop drinking from a distance. But after Crow-san and the others had set it up so far, I'm not going to end up with just one drink. It's a good thing that Lin-san, a man of common sense, also recommended this, so it should be fine.

''I don't drink enough to get drunk. Don't worry, Ryner, I'll stop as soon as I'm sick.
No, you've never felt drunk before. You can't tell if you're drunk or not, can you?
I'm sure you know that much about quicksilver: ......

 I focus on the changes in my body.

 I feel a little hot in the pit of my stomach. But it's not an unpleasant heat.
 It's late at night, and it's chilly, but it feels like a warm spring sunshine is hitting my body. My blood flow must be getting better.

 I don't feel that my judgment has deteriorated yet. In fact, I even feel my mind is clearer.
 I don't feel any danger at all.
 Above all, I have 'indications'. If you see 'drunkenness' in the abnormal state column, you can just stop there. It's a good precautionary measure.

"Hey, hey, Christ. You're starting to get red in the face. You might want to ease into it a little bit before--
Wait! Don't stop me, Reiner! Don't worry, the boy is here! Even if Moshinami goes on a rampage, this child will be able to hold him back!

 So finally, Ryner is caught by Titi.

'Ah! Hey, let go! If you get out of control, I'll hold you back! Are you trying to stall a battle like that sixty-six layers here!
It's all right. Reiner is being overly attentive! It doesn't happen that often, a fight like that!
I wouldn't be worried if it wasn't you and Christ in the bottle! But you and Christ! If something goes wrong, I'm the one who has to fix it!
''Huh? The child can still fight a hundred battles with alcohol! Don't worry, you won't be swallowed up if you drink!
'Really? You're blushing! I'm wearing my clothes! From what I see of you now, I don't trust you one bit!
'Hm! Hmmm? Surely the liquor breaks down slower than before: ......? Maybe it's because the guardians (guardians) have become less powerful after the battle at the 66th layer: ......?

 During Titi's recent trip down memory lane, she was no longer receptive to all manner of poisons. But now it seems to be a little different. She seems to be firmly under the influence of alcohol.

'Look who's here! It doesn't look good! For the safety of the store - or rather, for the safety of this country, don't drink it! At least don't drink one of them!
Ha-ha, you're worried about that? I can't believe you're destroying the store: ...... That's right, mama!
'Your light tone scares me! No, no, no!

 Titty's cheeks are red and she's talking cheerfully, but if she doesn't, she realizes that Ryner will seriously take away her drink and starts to suggest it with a serious face after a cough.

''--Goh, gosh. But, Ryner. If we get her drunk like this, Kanamin's true colors might come out. I'm sure the true feelings she's always hiding will dribble away. What do you think? Sounds interesting, doesn't it?
The True Story of Christ: ......?

 Quickly, Ryner stopped moving.
 But this makes me sound like a cold person who doesn't open up to others. I insist to both of them that I've graduated from that kind of thing with a laugh that somehow makes me feel strange.

Ha-ha, I always tell them I'm being honest. This is my true nature right now.
That's sweet, Kanamin! We all have things that we repress, we all have things that we repress! Unconsciousness!
Yeah, yeah, .......

 It's hard to talk back when people talk about the unconscious.

 But it's certainly an interesting story. It's an interesting story. My true feelings, which even I don't understand - if I can understand them, that's not a bad thing. I'm curious about it too.

Hmmm...what I'm subconsciously repressing .........it's good to know that. Is it good to know that ......?
'That's right! Don't even think about it anymore! Anyway, let's have a drink today! Come to think of it, we didn't celebrate being back on earth! It's going to be busy again tomorrow, so don't be afraid of that, at least for today!

 Titty simply looked like she wanted to make a fuss.
 I'm in a gloomy mood because of my failed confession, but now that she's come out of her thousand-year underground life, she's probably in a mood to drink until morning.
 I felt bad for Titi if I was the only one who looked gloomy forever.

'Celebration or ....... Yeah, I certainly haven't been celebrating with Titi: .......

 It's a lot better than being stuck in the dark.
 I know with reason that I need to shake off my regrets and make a fresh start.

"Well, then, Titi, let's have a toast.

 I'm going to ask for more ale to move forward.
 I'm sure my judgment is ...... still in good hands.
 --I'm not sure.

 Even Ryner, seeing this, finally gives up.

You can't blame them. It's a good thing we're both reasonably drunk and ....... But as insurance, I'm the only one who never drinks .......

 Then Ryner asks Linn for water. Just as a matter of course, Titi intercepts it.

''Oh, not water, please do one for Ryner too. It's Lin-chan!''
'Oh my God! You're not listening to me! I don't drink, I told you!
Yeah, it's seriously impossible for one person to not drink at this point: ......
'When I wake up, not only is there no store, but the earth could be cracked open! Let's drink for world peace!
Don't say that. Just a little bit. Come on, just a mouthful. Just a lick and a peck.

 And then Titi and Reiner get into a struggle. Titty gets involved, "Drink, drink," he says, "I won't drink! I chuckle at that. I chuckle when I see that.

 Thanks to my friends, I can see my darkened world getting brighter.
 The people in the bar are catching me, and I can see that I'm slowly recovering. 

 Maybe it's because I've grown up in this other world, but I feel my emotional wounds are healing faster.
 Rather, to be honest, it wouldn't be the first time if it was a shock of this magnitude. However, the kind of shock is a skill called 'heartbreak' '? The only thing that surprised me was the fact that the kind of shock was something I never had when I had the skill "??" of "heartbreak".

 As I stated publicly earlier - even if this feeling is of the kind that will not come true forever, I will not change my mind. I will continue to think of Rastiara - that's all I need to do.
 I haven't lost my friends yet, I haven't lost my memories, and I haven't lost the meaning of my existence. I am full of hope.

 Having concluded that, I continue to drink.
 Of course, during that time, Rustyala's words come to mind over and over again. ''-- But I guess I don't like Kanami.'' "Goodbye," she says, echoing the words.

 I'm not going to forget with the help of alcohol. There's no need to put it off with the skill 'Pledge of the Deepest (Di Cavernator)'.
 I'll take it head-on - and I'll analyze it.
 That's the way I fight.

 Why was he 'rejected'?
 No, why was Rustyala angry?
 When I think back on it now, I think there was a slight but uncomfortable feeling in Rustiala's reaction. At that time, Rustiala's mouth was definitely loose. She didn't seem to feel bad about the favor that was thrown at her. And yet, in the next moment, he became angry.
 That's right - the timing of the anger was too sudden.

 Thanks to the alcohol, I can think strangely and calmly.
 I'm not upset at all. Compared to the time of the question-and-answer session with Palinkulon, I still have more time to spare.

 I was grateful, though, that I'd gained a disagreeable margin. And while chatting with everyone in the bar and my friends, I'm lost in thought.

 --It's late in the evening.

 There was no time to get an answer.
 Instead, little by little, my thoughts are spinning and I feel like I'm spinning in the same place.
 Laughing, I felt like my consciousness was going to fly away in a huff.

 After a few hours of chatting in the bar, I hold my head down as I feel the world slipping away from me, both in my thoughts and in my vision.

'Oh, my eyes are ....... That ......?'

 Oh, I knew I was tired of everything today, and I decided to let that sleepiness take over.
 It's only the second day since I got out of the underground.
 I thought my body needed a break.

 Without thinking too much about it, I let go of my consciousness.
 I'm going to end the day - I'm going to end the day.







 --I'm not sure if it was sleepiness or a sign of drunkenness.

 I'm not sure if it was sleepiness or a premonition of drunkenness, as my judgement has been impaired.
 And the next day I didn't find out until the next day.