340 337. Immortality.txt







 -- I heard that 'I have to become a saint tiara'. But I didn't hear that 'I dream of being a saint tiara'! I've never heard of--!!!!


 The cry roared at the moment when many of the attendees lined up and I, a nameless man, was about to leave the world.
 The cathedral where I spent three years. A room made of cold stone. A ceremonial altar at the far end of the room. Carved stone pillars and walls. The morning sun shining through the windows.
 The pale light swelled and filled - knights, priests, guests of honor, everyone saw him as he appeared.
 They looked at him as if he were a weapon, wondering who would insult this solemn ceremony.
 But Kanami didn't mind at all, walking slowly, step by step, across the blood-red carpet.

 There was only one thing Kanami was looking at.
 I was the only one who was looking at him.
 He was coming straight at me, straight at me.

 I know what that means to me.
 I've always wanted it to happen, and I've asked him to do it.
 Because the truth is, it's always been painful.
 The truth is, I've always been afraid.
 The truth is, it's been hard for me.
 I kept thinking that I didn't really want to die.

 I really hoped that if the world said I wasn't the main character, and Tiara was the main character - that my main character would come to rescue me one day.
 I've been waiting for my name to be called here, not the saint Tiara.
 I've been waiting for the word for a long time.

'Answer me here, Rastiara! Your real dream, plain and simple!
'Don't worry, the 'deal' isn't over! If you tell me that all of this stuff is a hindrance to your dream, then I'm going to destroy it all! The price just has to come back to me!

 His hand was extended towards me, along with the name Rastiara.
 That's when my story must have begun.
 Thanks to Kanami, I was saved.

 Rustyala Foods Ya'll is alive today because of Aikawa Kanami.
 So (...), I am Kanami (・・・・・・)--.














 -- So (...), I want to save your father (・・・・・・・・・) and give him (・・・・).

'Well, it's ......--'

 My thoughts mingle with each other.
 Aided by the memory of that Rustyala, his strength as 'the one who steals the reason for the light' increases and he raises his face, which is about to turn over.
 There is a long way to go. There are still more than ten floors to go.
 I let a single voice pass through my pain-riddled head, "Walk," and let my feet move forward.

 My reason for being able to move in my dead body is simple.
 Right now, I'm carrying Rastiara's thoughts 'instead'.
 I am entrusted with the wish to save your father.
 That's why I can't die and I can't stand still.

 I know one more cool thing about your father from Rastiara's thoughts, and I smile thinly - I go up the blood-soaked stairs. From the thirty-eight floors to the thirty-nine floors, to the forty floors--

-Oh!

 On the way, regardless of my will, my body almost collapsed.
 I try to support my body with the 'Flag of Light' and realize that I can't even maintain the 'Light Rod' anymore.
 Quickly, I grab the railing next to the stairs and hold on to it.

 When I look at the back of my hand gripping the railing, I see that there was no more skin left on it.
 All the time, I've been 'replacing' the slashes of the battlefield, recovering and repeating the process.
 Every time the flesh left, the flesh stuck together. Every time the flesh crumbled, he adjusted the flesh. As a result of that reckless act, it seemed that the skin could no longer be repaired.

 The discolored red and black flesh was exposed.
 Naturally, there were raw wounds on that skinless hand as well, and the blood continued to flow.

 I shift my gaze from the back of my hand to my feet. I was slow to notice due to the surrounding situation, but an unusual amount of blood was flowing out of the wounds all over his body.

 Apparently, the loss of too much blood had nearly caused me to collapse.
 As soon as I confirmed this, my flashing vision turned gray.
 It even loses its color and turns completely black.
 Suddenly I want to sleep.

 I'm about to lose consciousness.

 I knew that feeling.
 I (Nosfi) don't know. I don't know it, but 'I' know it well.

 It's a thought that I inherited from Dia.
 The first time 'Diablo Sith' was saved by 'Aikawa Uzumi'.
 As long as I have memories of the time I was saved by his words, admired his appearance, and pulled by his hand--.














 --Hey, are you awake?


 That day when that magical snow (Tear-Ray) fell.
 That one word pulled me back from my distant consciousness.
 When I was no longer me, Kanami grabbed 'me' by the hand and pulled me up.

 I had been abandoned by my parents and had lost my place in the world.
 They asked me to be an apostle, and I responded by being an apostle, and the apostle took everything from me.
 There is no one around me anymore but the enemy who uses me. So I kept running and running and running and running, and there - I arrived at the Maze Confederacy Valt.

 But by the time I arrived there, my mind was already at its limit.
 I couldn't find any meaning in my life until today. For the sake of the world, for the sake of others, to save the suffering people. I've spent my whole life working for someone else, working for someone else, but no one is there for me when I'm in pain. No one is going to save me.

 I challenged the labyrinth as a swordsman to escape from being an apostle. But it was only a task that made me painfully aware that I was nothing more than an apostle. Fighting with a single sword, I nearly died many times. As an explorer, I was, quite frankly, not needed by anyone.

 It's as if, as a non-apostle, I had no value in life.
 I felt as if the world was telling me that.

 Just when these thoughts were going through my head, I met Kanami.
 Dying, freezing, starving, cowering, on the verge of letting out my weaknesses - Kanami was standing beside me. She gave me a warm voice and food, and before I knew it, we were going to challenge the labyrinth together.
 I rejoice in my first companion and let my first tone of voice come out of my mouth for the first time.

'--Then we can start tomorrow!
Yeah, sure. My name is Christ Eurasia. Feel free to call me Christ.

 I was happy.
 For the first time, I felt like someone was holding my hand.

'All right. My name is Dia, and I don't have a last name. It's just Dear, so call me by my last name.

 I said the lines from an old heroic tale I read a long time ago, right out of my mouth.
 I think it wasn't an apostle, it was the beginning of a new me.

 My story was finally starting to take off, or so I thought.
 There's no doubt about it.
 The only reason I am alive now without losing me is because of Kanami.

 She never gave up on me as a swordsman.
 When I ran away, when I was in pain, when I almost closed my eyes to die, she was there for me.
 She was there for me. So (...), 'I (..)' to Kanami (・・・・・)--.














 -- So (...), I want to repay your father (・・・・・・) for his kindness (・・・・・・).

 Thanks to the thought that Dia-san entrusted me with, I pull back my consciousness that almost jumped.
 I regain my nearly darkened vision.

 Then I look at the back of my hand again.
 There was no more red and black flesh there.
 It was stained with a color as white as light.
 However, it was no longer human.
 As far as I could see from my reclaimed vision, the skin of a monster - no, the scales of a snake covered my hand.

 The white scales were trying to stop the bleeding and prolong my life.

 With its white right hand, I walked up the stairs, following the railing.

 On the way, I place my left hand on the abdomen where it hurts the most, trying to reduce the blood spilling from my body as much as possible.
 It was the moment my intestines were about to slide out of the gaping wound. In a panic, I put my intestines back inside my body and put pressure on my hands as well as my legs to prevent other organs from falling out.
 I no longer refused to 'turn into a half corpse'.
 I have a wish to fulfill, even in the disfigured form of a monster.

 The wound in my abdomen is closed up by the discolored flesh of the monster, not the red flesh of a human.
 But soon again, the wounds that I bear in place of the 'replacement' of the battlefield will tear the monster's flesh as well.

 Even if it 'turned into a half corpse', it would only begin to repeat the process of being slashed up again and recovering. As long as he avoided death, the pain would on the contrary accumulate.

 The pain has already exceeded the pain.
 Even if my body doesn't fall apart, my mind is going to fall apart.
 My mind is neither pure white nor pure black; it is filled with nothing but inhuman screams. I can't even think a proper language anymore. It's hard to perceive the information in my vision.

 What I see now is the stairs and blood.
 I see stairs and blood.
 Blood, blood, blood, blood. The blood is so much that it's making me feel like I'm going crazy.
 You have a vision of your bloody body melting into the bloody stairs.
 It's bad enough that there's so much blood, and I have a great idea to reduce it by sipping blood. But I soon find myself lost in the blood, and I move through the blood again. Up and down, right and left, there's blood everywhere. Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood--

 The madness of blood nearly overtakes your mind.
 But I can handle it.
 I have our thoughts.

 It's a thought that I inherited from Maria.
 When 'Maria' was saved by 'Aikawa Uzumi' for the first time.
 As long as I have memories of being saved by her words, longing for her figure, and being pulled by her hand--.














 --If Maria's alone, I'm alone. Because I'm the only one in the world. I'm the only foreign body in the world.


 It was a hell surrounded by bright red flames.
 Even in the midst of that scorching heat, the master said to me.
 He stretched out his hand to me.

'I am not of this world. I'm just a student called from another world, far, far away. So I want to go home. I want to go home. ...... I don't want to die in this incomprehensible place ....... I don't have a family here! She's the only one left in the world! That was scary! I'm too scared and scared to die alone in a place like this: ......!

 The master continued to speak to my mind as it was swallowed up by the madness, and he continued to speak to me to the end.

 Truly the world was full of lies.
 The world in my eyes was full of lies, and it was always deceiving me.
 But finally, the master told me the truth.

 --I was told my real name, Aikawa Kanami.

 That name gathers my disparate hearts together and connects them together. Most of all, his hands touching me are so cool and comfortable - and I feel so good.

'Oh, I won't let Maria suffer anymore. I won't let Mary's love be a tragic love either. I will be Maria's. And that's the end of all this--

 I was burning with madness, and Kanami-san accepted my fire.
 Kanami-san held me close, knowing that it was a flame that would only burn anything it touched. She didn't deny it, she didn't get angry, she said it was okay.

 I knew that he was too kind and cold, and I loved him.
 A love that was only a burning fire became a real 'love'.
 Not a lie, but the real 'love'. I lost my family and I thought I would never have that "love" again.
 I was taught that feeling. That's why (...), I love Kanami (・・・・・・・・)--.














 -- So (...), I want to help your father (・・・・・・) (・・・・・・).

 If your father is suffering, I want to take away his suffering.
 If he is about to be consumed by madness, I want to take it gently.
 If your father is on the verge of being consumed by madness, I want to take his pain away.

 Thanks to Maria's thoughts, I have a little bit of leeway.
 As I was loosening my mouth again, I had climbed to the forty-third floor.

 Of course, my mind was only distracted for a moment.
 Soon the pain and insanity of my body and mind would strike.
 It comes to fold its mind in an attempt to annihilate the ego that is me.

 The insane pain repeats itself again and I want to throw away the aching part.
 I can't bear to tear this belly off right now. I want to throw away this hand, this leg, this arm, this head. I want to get rid of everything and escape the pain.

 And I have the physical strength to do it.
 I could wring my neck so that my head wouldn't feel the pain of my body any more.
 But on the verge of doing so, I rely on the thoughts that have been handed over to me again.

 It's a thought I've inherited from Mr. Snow.
 The first time 'Snow Walker' was saved by 'Aikawa Uzumi'.
 I have memories of the time I was saved by his words, admired his appearance, and was pulled by his hand. So--














 -- then you can seriously make that wish come true! This time, no one, not the Walkers, not the Palinklons, not anyone, will confuse me! You have to make your own wishes come true, Snow--!

 He encouraged me not to give up yet.

 In the semi-finals of the "Dancing Tournament", I had lost the battle.
 The waiting room of the tournament. It was opulent but with one window. I was looking out at the blue sky from the side of my white bed, and I thought it was all over.

 But Kanami was angry with me and told me it was not.
 No matter how hard it was, no matter how painful it was, she told me to keep going. She denied all my excuses for my habit of running away and told me to live my life as I should.

'There's no such thing as help, that's normal! I didn't have it either, so that's what happened!
'You can't be seriously happy unless you're serious! It's not going to be like this forever! You don't really want Snow to live in fear of the Walkers and live in fear of deception!

 I've made many mistakes.
 I've made many mistakes and killed my loved ones over and over again.
 I tried and tried and tried and tried, but in the end, I was not rewarded. Such a system of the world broke my heart and I lost my identity. This world did not allow the existence of the dragon girl who laughed at me in that village when I was a child.

 But now that girl's sins are being forgiven by Kanami.

I will not leave you as a partner, not as a 'hero', but as a partner. I will not leave your side. I'll support you to the end, no matter what kind of interference the Walkers get into. ...... so don't be afraid to fight on your own, Snow. Fight for what you really want.

 That it's okay to fail again. And that it's okay to be me. That I never had to give up on my life. He said that, and he forgave me.
 So, (...), I'm Kanami (・・・・・・)--














 -- So (...), I want to support your father (・・・・・・) (・・・・・・・).

 Thank you, I thank Mr. Snow.
 Just before I break my own neck, I smile again and walk up the stairs leading to the forty-fourth floor.

 But I still want to get rid of the part of me that is still hurting - the suicidal thoughts don't stop.
 As long as the pain doesn't stop, death will continue to be sweet.

 Suddenly my gaze turns to the distant castle window.
 I can't see the sky outside, blocked by the wall of blood in Fafner. So I turned my attention to the atrium near the stairs and stared into its bottomless darkness.

 I feel the urge to jump.
 If I fell from here, everything would be over.
 I would be free of this uncommon pain.

 --In the midst of the temptation, I remember one very old feeling.

 It was in my earliest memory.
 The day I first woke up in the lab of the Demon's Poison, surrounded by a pile of corpses.
 Even when the three apostles who created me told me that I was a 'Jewcruise' and told me my mission, I had the urge to jump down.

 At that time, my emotions were underdeveloped and confused, but the grown-up me now understands.

 I wanted to die that day.
 No, to be precise - I thought there was a mistake that I wasn't even born and that I was still alive.

 After all, I woke up for the first time and there were no parents around.
 No one called my name, not even a word of congratulations.
 Instead of asking me to live, I was told that I was a tool to be 'replaced' by a stranger. There was no love there at all.

 I refuse to accept such a thing as 'birth'.

 So I was empty.
 I was so empty, so sad, so pointless, so funny, I wanted to disappear inexplicably, and I wanted to jump out the window of the castle.

 I'm sure I was in a lot of pain.
 I think my heart was hurting.
 I think the days were hard.
 I think the world was dark.
 I think I was afraid of myself.
 Because I was alive and I wasn't--

............!

 Was the hierarchy wrong?
 I remember that feeling and the suicidal thoughts swell inside me.
 My footsteps on the stairs almost stopped. Even now I want to climb over the railing and jump down the stairwell.

 Before I do, I put my hands to my chest and remind myself.

 I am no longer empty.
 I have everyone's thoughts.
 Of course, there's more to it than that.
 There are also words for me, for me.
 There are words that "Nosfi Foozeyers" had for "Father" - and I have words for you.














 --No, no, Nosfy ....... It's not just because she's my daughter first: ......! Before that, I'm a nose-fee, and I want to help nose-fee, that's how I feel!

 The forty-fifth floor of Hoosier's Castle, in the center of it.
 Kanami-sama takes all of my magic, pierces my abdomen with his sword, and rises from the pool of blood he has created with his own blood.

'Nosfi, I've seen ....... I've seen how hard Nosfi has worked. And I've also seen how Nosphy felt when he was born and how he felt when he met me. So--!

 No matter how much I wanted to die, no matter how much I tried to act as my worst enemy, no matter how much I tried to claim that I was a bad boy, your father told me that the Nosfi Hoozeyers were not bad.
 He put his own life on the line to stop me from just ending it that way.

 He moved his dying body and was willing to die - and he was willing to die himself.

'Nosfi, please. This is my last magic, and I want you to grab my hand.

 He reached out to me.
 This is why I'm okay now.
 My thoughts that are not anyone else's - my thoughts.












 -- so now it's my turn.

 My thoughts helped me to dispel all temptation.

 Then I walked through the railing and up to the forty-fifth floor, and glanced sideways - to the great room where I fought with your father.

 It's a place with deep memories.
 That room has been recreated at the exact same height and with the exact same construction as the room from a thousand years ago.
 Perhaps that's why I remember not only the fight with my father this morning, but also the days I spent with him a thousand years ago.
 Your father, who lost a disastrous battle against the Apostle Sith, was once in a state of sleepwalking. With that father I ate with him, walked with him in the castle garden, slept in his room with him, and took care of him in many other ways. At the end of it all, I gave my name--.

'How do you like Nosfies? I think this sounds like a proper person's name. It looks good on you.'

 I got the name of a proper person, not Northfield as a role.
 I remember getting the word I was expecting from the person I was expecting and I remember being so happy that it brought tears to my eyes. I can vividly remember repeating over and over again how happy and happy I was.

 I was really happy.
 From that moment on, the word emptiness was no longer a word to me.
 My name is Nosfi. As long as I have this name, I will continue to exist in the world as Nosfy. I knew that as long as I had this name, I could live.

 When I think about it, I think I was saved a thousand years ago.
 Unlike everyone else, "Nosfy Foozeyers" has been saved twice by "Father

 -- so (...), I want your father to live (・・・・・・・) as well (・・・・・・・), and I want him to live (・・・・・・) very, very strongly (・・・・・・・).

 That thought pushes me to leave my room.

 Right now I'm at my worst state ever, yet I'm getting closer to my best state ever. With that in mind, I'm heading further up, to the 'summit' of Hoosier's.