It's that time of the year when the cold weather becomes unbearable and a fire in the fireplace is appreciated. The sun was setting earlier and earlier, and a quiet darkness was spreading outside my window, and the lights of lamps and fireplaces from houses were turning the night into a warm scene.
In my previous life, Japan would have been brightly lit and filled with colorful red and blue illuminations. Then I remembered.

"Well, do you know what a reddish blue and a bluish red are?

I posed this question to a stuffed white bear with green and yellow odd eyes.
This bear is a cell phone used to communicate with a specific person. It's a magical stone with a magic circle built into it, and the bear's appearance is a hobby of the person on the other end of the line.

What?　What's up?

I remembered something the other day. I think I heard it from Yuuka in a previous life. ......

I check with the princess, Erna, who has memories of being my sister in a previous life. It's a good idea to have a good idea of what you're looking for and what you can do to help.

I'm sure you've been thinking about it.

'How did you know?

I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out," he said, "because that's the analogy I used when I was talking about Remias and Bel.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.
I know that Erna knows about the blue-haired Remius and the red-haired Belle. They were potential squires for Erna's brother Roy, so it was only natural that they had met. However, it's strange that she knows her from her previous life, not now as a princess.
There are only a few people in this world who know Erna from her previous life. I felt my cheeks twitching.

"Remius and Bell are .......

"Yes, they're your targets.

I could easily imagine the smug look on Erna's face on the other end of the bear phone. It's been a long time since I heard the name of your planet. It's an abbreviation for a girl's game that is the same or similar to this world.
Erna seemed to want me to mention it, but it was a topic I wasn't interested in, so I just said "Oh, right" and let it slide. Then a frustrated voice leaked out from the bear phone.

He said, "You should be surprised or more interested.

"Because I don't even remember what happened between you two in the game.

"See, the mini-games were gaming and quizzing.

That's the one you were playing, right?

"That's right!

I don't know what kind of minigames I might have been helping with. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but it's a good idea.
My younger sister, Yuka, completed sound games, gaming games, and quizzes by herself. In the case of gaming, she was able to get through by ignoring the commands and just rattling around. When I played against her in a regular game, it was difficult for me to fight her because it was hard to read her attack patterns.
Erna seemed to be shocked when she remembered that it was her turn. She seemed to be shocked when she remembered that it was her turn.

I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that.

But ......, I also want to talk about your planet.

I don't understand Erna's impulse to talk about her favorite things to people who aren't interested in them, like how she tried to talk to me about them in a previous life by comparing them to the Sentai.
When I got into shounen manga or games, I would talk to people who liked them, and it was fun. But I've never thought of talking to someone who doesn't seem to be interested in that genre. It's more fun to talk about common topics than to force the other person to do so.
I remember that I used to say that I was a missionary in a previous life. I didn't understand all of them, but I did like some of their music and manga. Now that I think about it, it may have been a good opportunity for me to learn about genres that I would never touch myself.

It was a good opportunity for me to learn about a genre I would never have tried.

I remember him bragging to me that he was a support character. I wonder about the fan spirit that sometimes peeks into my life, even though I know it is real. Particularly, when he went from being a fan of Roy-sama to becoming a true brother idiot when they actually became a family, he started talking even more passionately about her, and I feel like I'm getting an earful.

And that's not what this is about!　I like Kimi Hoshi as a work (game).

"Is that so?

That's why he wants me to listen to him, because I know Kimiboshi as a game, even if only a little. I'm sure you've heard of it, but I've never heard of it. It was easy to imagine how funny it was, so I just let it go and allowed him to tell his story.

I'm sure you can imagine how easy it is to imagine that. You'll be able to find a lot of them in the marketplace. He's not used to dealing with women and is rough with them. And since the heroine is a commoner, she's not afraid to point it out. I'm not sure what to make of that.

I'm not really interested, so I'm going to assume that the radio is playing from the bear. I'm a man, and I can't understand why a half-naked still is not erotic because he's a sportsman.
While I was unsure of how to respond, I found myself moving on to the story of Belle.

"Belle is even easier to encounter, and she's usually in the library. The heroine's knowledge of magic is limited, but he tries his best to teach her because he's interested in magic. It's also cute that she's a little bit of a research geek, and when she gets a high grade on a test, she's as pure and happy as if it were her own. ...... Look at her smile in the sunset scene. I'm not sure what to say.

Can I say that? I don't know how to explain it. I don't know the scene that's supposed to be bad, and I don't want to see it.

I don't know, and I don't want to see it. "They're childhood friends, so they'll appear in each other's routes. I'm not going to watch the scene, because I don't want to see it.

I don't know what it means, but "cluster" is a term that Yuka used in relation to social networking. I'm not sure what that means, but cluster is a term that Yuka used in relation to social media.
In the event that you have any questions concerning where and how to use the internet, you can call us at the web site.



"Maybe it's a good thing I don't remember my last life. ......

"What's going on?

I nodded my head, wondering why I thought that. I wondered why he thought that. He had seemed to be enjoying himself with all the fan spirit just a moment ago, but suddenly he sounded depressed, which made me wonder even more.
When I asked him about it, he started blurting out, "You know what?

I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what's going on, but I'm not sure you'll be able to. I'm sure the hidden characters already have a painful past,......, and there's nothing you can do about it even if you know about it.

It's hard," Erna says, sounding dejected. It's a good idea to take a look at the website and see if there is anything you can do to help.

I'm not sure what to make of that.

It's not fun to go through your days knowing that someone else is suffering. I'm sure I'll try to forget it, but I'll remember it in a moment.
Before I met Mr. Daniel again, his dark and brooding face would occasionally come to mind and I would feel a sense of helplessness. If I had only met him the first time, I would still be wondering how he was doing.

Even if it wasn't exactly the same, you know. I don't like the idea of leaving people who are so good that they are covered by the characters I liked in Kimi Hoshi feeling bad until the game starts just because the heroine helps them.

So, it seems that Erna was happy that Leo took action and reconciled with his brother, and that he broke the curse of Nico's sister. It was something that she realized because she had memories of her previous life. But on the other hand, if she hadn't remembered, she wouldn't have even had that concern.
Erna let out a wistful sigh.

The only good thing about having a memory is that I got to meet Taichi.

After the words that she must have blurted out, I felt a small gasp from the other end of the phone, as if she realized that she had misspoken. I, too, rolled my eyes when I heard the unexpected truth.
After a moment's pause, it was Erna who spoke up, looking flustered.

I'm not sure what you mean. I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not.

I'm sorry. I'm glad I was able to apologize to Yuka too.

Because we both had memories of our previous lives, we were able to recognize each other in a small exchange.
I've always wanted to apologize to my family for dying without consulting them about my life expectancy. It was the thing I craved the most in my previous life memories, and it was something I should not have been able to do. Because the people in this world are my family. Taichi's (previous life) family was not supposed to be there.
It was a miracle for me that I was able to meet Erna, who had the memories of the family I wanted to meet even if she blamed me, and that she listened to my apology to Yuka.
When I expressed my honest opinion, Erna seemed to be at a loss for words.

I'm sure Erna was with you, even if she doesn't remember.

'Huh? Why?

When I told her what I thought of her story, a questioning voice answered from the bear phone.

"You can't hear your heart, can you?

"Yes.

"Can't you do something else?

What else can you do? You know that bird of the wind that Isak flew? I can share my vision with that thing, like a clairvoyant.

I'll never use it again, Erna added, looking chastened.
Erna, who has two attributes, wind and light, is said to be able to use light magic to share vision with the wind bird used for communication. Also, I can only be the size of a sparrow, but Erna can be the size of an eagle no matter how hard she tries to shrink herself. Erna is reluctant to say that birds of prey are not cute, but I'm a little jealous because I think they're cool.
Apparently, clairvoyance is similar to the sensation of VR, and it is fun to use it, as if you are flying in the sky. However, since her vision was focused on the bird, Erna was flying the bird and hit her forehead on the wall of the room, not realizing that she was also moving her body.
As a result, Therese, the maid of honor, scolded the princess for the scar on her face, and the king's father found out that she had flown the bird so close to the border, and lectured her about royalty being like spies. The double pain was very painful, Erna told me with a snort.
I wonder. I understand that it's a cheat move because of the huge amount of magic power and the precious attribute, but all I can think of is that it's more disappointing than awesome.

I'm not sure if you have any previous life memories or not. I'm not sure if you have memories of your previous life or not, it's just a matter of whether the object of your distress was in the game or not.

It could be .......

I'm not sure if you've heard of it, but I'm sure you've heard of it.
It's a good idea to have a good idea of what you're looking for. As a rare member of the royal family with two attributes, Erna's rarity would have severely restricted her actions. After all, she must have been troubled.

You know? So, just think of it as if you happened to see someone else's diary.

"Moo ......, either way, it doesn't mean I'm useless.

"No, man. You and I both can't help you with anything, even if it's someone we know. Most of the time, it's what you do with it that matters.

Even if a helping hand is extended, it is meaningless if the person with the problem does not grab that hand. There are things in this world that cannot be helped by the environment, but there are also things that can be helped by relying on someone else.

I've said it before. I told you before, it's enough to help people when they ask for help.

I repeated what I had said to Erna, who was always worried about Leo and the others.
I'll even go along with Nico to relieve his stress when he's in trouble or distress. I don't even listen to him complain unless he wants to talk. It's too difficult to help someone you don't even know if that's what Erna wants.

"What if they don't want to rely on you in the future?

"Then you should be happy about that.

When we first got to know each other, she used to come to me and mumble whenever she felt uneasy. But that's because I was the only one close to her age at that time. After she became friends with Katrin and made friends, including the rabbit girl, she had little to say to me. If you're able to talk to them, that's fine. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.


I don't know how much I agreed with her, but after a few moments of silence, Erna muttered that she understood. That night, we ended up talking too much.


The next morning, when I was thinking about what to do because I had no plans, there was a knock at the door. Mom asked me to open the door and see who it was, and it was Marija.

Oh, there's Zaku!

What's wrong?

Marija, her cheeks flushed as well as the winter air, took off the cloth covering the basket she was carrying and showed me the inside.

"Look!　The shape of the bread with lemon jam, I thought of it myself.

Inside the basket, there were three square Danish breads. The center of the loaves was hollowed out and the lemon jam shone bright yellow. On top of the jam, there was a little bit of green shavings that complemented the color of the lemon. The shine and the bright green color of the peppers suggested that they were soaked in honey.
Marija, who is helping her parents run a bakery, was given the task of shaping the bread for the first time. I'm sure she's happy to see the bread she designed on the market.

It looks delicious. Marija has good taste to make such a beautiful loaf.

"Isn't it?　The customers love it too.

Marija proudly hands me the lemon bread. I take it and leave it with Mom. Mom boils water and prepares tea, and we sit down at the dining table, facing each other, and chat. Marija had come to show me her new bread since I was off.

"Zak, what do you want today?

"No, I was just thinking of going to see the gardener. Mom, do you want me to get you something on the way home?

Sure. ......

Can I come with you?

While Mom was wondering if there was something she needed, Marija asked to go with her.
There were few flowers in bloom at the gardener's in winter, and the deciduous trees were asleep. It's not a very pleasant place for a non-gardener to go. So, when I posed the question, he wanted to know what herbs I could use for cooking bread.
There are only a few cold-hardy herbs that can be used in the winter, so it would be hard for Marija to find them on her own. I agreed to go with her, since I was only going to check on the availability of the season.
I checked with my mother to see what ingredients were missing, and then headed to the gardening shop with Marija. On the way, I asked how Johan and the others were doing. Johan, the miller, was having trouble with the horses of the wagon that carried the ground flour and was training to control it, while Paul, the blacksmith, was being taught by his father how to adjust the temperature of the cooking stove. Marya recounted to me how she had seen Johan fighting with a horse, and it was funny to see the look of frustration on his face as he was licked by the horse. He said that Paul could now tell the difference between iron and steel in their ore state. It seems that not only Marya but both of them are working hard as apprentices in the family business.

If you're working so hard, you'd better buy Paul a meal.

"And?

Marija, who had a problem with my words, recited the part that bothered her and tilted her head. I put my hand on her head.

"Today, Marija.

There's a reward for growth. On days when I'm given more work to do, Mom always makes me my favorite food for dinner. So I would like to buy Mariya and her friends dinner if they can do more than I can see. If I tell Johan first, he might try harder to catch me with food.
Mariya's expression shines when she hears that lunch is on the house.

"Zaku, you're so generous!

"Zaku, you're so generous!" "Can we go to Ingrid's bar?

Isn't that place delicious?　I've always wanted to go there.

I smiled at her, her steps visibly lighter.
At the gardener's, I helped her choose herbs, while Marija warned me against looking at a tree that looked like a dead tree to her, and talking about fertilizer with the gardener. Marija bought a plant of rosemary, which is very useful. It was a small potted plant, but the gardener was at the end of the market street, a long way from Marija's house, so I walked with it.
There was an Ingrid's Tavern on the way back to Marija's house, so it was easy to stop there for lunch. It was cold outside, so I ordered a hot stew and potatoes au gratin, which Marija happily ate. I ordered a soup with grilled chicken and onions, which was also delicious. Perhaps because of the ginger in the soup, I felt warm inside even after I left the restaurant.

"When is Zak going to church?

"When it's your birthday, before I forget.

When I answered her question, Marija nodded vaguely, as if she was thinking.
At my age, the purpose of going to church is limited. This is my second test of magic. It is customary for ordinary people to undergo an aptitude test for magical attributes at the age of five, and to have their magical power measured when they are thirteen or four.
If the amount of magic power is confirmed to be above a certain level, the country will send a notice via the church at a later date, and the student will be qualified to enter the Royal Academy of Magic. The money needed to enter the academy is paid by the government, and after graduation, you can get a job in the capital, so most people take the entrance exam as if it were a lottery.
Because the country is quite large, it is recommended to take the test at least six months before entering the academy, and many commoners take the test when they turn thirteen. The main reason for taking the test early is to learn how to read and write, although some of them are already apprentices in the family business. If you qualify for admission, you will suddenly need to read and write, which you did not need before, and you will have to learn it at church. I'm okay with that, but it would be nice to have some time to take over the work.

"What if ......, what if? What if you get in?

I'm going because I want to study.

I gave the answer I had already decided on. Jan didn't get the job this year, so he will continue his apprenticeship as a gardener. I've already told my parents what I want to do, so I'll talk to Jan if I get in.

"Well, if you get in, you'll meet a lot of girls your age at ......, right?

"Oh, I see.



I thought the academy was an away place with a lot of aristocrats, but Mariya was right, it's a place where other people my age gather. I was planning to go there to study magic, but maybe I'd meet someone I could talk to. I hadn't thought about the possibility of making friends.
When I looked at Mariya to thank her for giving me something to look forward to when I passed the exam, she had a strange expression on her face and was muttering something. Apparently, she wasn't talking to me, she was just letting a thought slip out of her mouth.
She seems to be wondering what to do, so perhaps Marija is also interested in the Magic Academy. If you want to learn to read in advance, I can tell you when Annika-sama will be at the orphanage in Merkel Church. Annika's way of teaching is easy to understand.
As I walked alongside the pondering Marija, she suddenly came to me with a pathetic look on her face.

"Because I'll miss my wedding?

"What?

You're going to the school because you want a girlfriend?

What?

How did you leap to such a conclusion when you first said you wanted to study? Did Marya fear that I wouldn't be able to find someone to marry unless I went to the school because there were no girls close to my age in the neighborhood?
I'm sure you'll be able to find someone to marry if you go to the school, but even if you do, there are a lot of aristocrats in the school, so the girls will be concentrated on the ones with the most money and looks, and there's no way an average guy like me can get a girlfriend. It's impossible to get a girlfriend when there's a beautiful Nico in the same grade. There's no haze.
When I told her to calm down and think about it, and told her that she was being reckless with her specs, she finally seemed to calm down.

Then Zaku might miss his chance at marriage, whether he gets the job or not.

"Maybe.

"Maybe." I didn't mind, because I could be a gardener even if I couldn't marry. The Ernst family garden would be safe if there was someone like Jan who would inherit the skill, not the blood.
As for me, as long as I can garden when I'm an old man, that's all that matters. My parents are not the type to rush me into marriage, so I don't feel threatened. Perhaps because I have found something I can be absorbed in, I feel that I have less desire for love than in my previous life. When I was around this age, I was upset when girls started to change. I wonder if I should just chalk up their transformation into female bodies to secondary s*xual characteristics. Men can only be puzzled, not knowing how to treat them differently.
I've tried to dig up memories of my previous life to see if I can become aware of the opposite s*x, but no matter how I try, my attention is always on the garden. I guess I'm not ready for the whole love thing.
I nodded, thinking that I might really miss the chance to get married, as Marija had pointed out.

"If Zaku misses his chance to marry, shall I marry him?

"You know what, .......

Don't joke about treating yourself lightly. I was going to say that.
When I looked next to him, I saw his fists trembling with too much force and his eyes widened with determination, but they still fell to his feet instead of to me. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that the redness in his face was not due to the freezing air.
I knew that Mariya wasn't joking when she reacted in a contradictory manner to the light-hearted comment (line) that was spoken.
I was surprised.
I felt differently, then I understood the meaning of the discrepancy between her words and actions, and even though I understood, I couldn't accept the situation. I didn't think it would happen to me.
The only thing I know for sure is that I have to answer. Marya is being serious. You can't just let it go because she's younger or because she's a kid. That's why I can't think of anything else to say.
As if she couldn't stand the fact that I didn't respond at all, she looked up and picked up the potted osmosis plant I was holding with both hands.

I'm almost there, so that's enough. Thank you.

"Ahh.

My reflexive answer was choked up in my throat. I didn't want to speak carelessly.

I'll see you later.

With a tight smile, Marija said goodbye. Without waiting for my reply, she turned on her heel.

I'll see you later .......

Before I could take a step forward, she left me speechless again.
I watched in amazement as she disappeared into the bakery door.
I had thought that being confessed to by a girl would be more exciting. It was the first time a girl had confessed her feelings to me. Including my previous life.

I thought it was too early to tell. ......


Almost a month has passed since my first confession, and the New Year has come.
I haven't seen Marya since then. I don't know if it's because she's avoiding me, or if it's just a coincidence that our vacations don't coincide. Maybe Mariya's bakery was also busy, because hard bread sells well during the New Year holidays when families spend time together at home.

Zaku, have you caught a cold?

"What ......?

As I stared blankly at the brown water, a worried young lady asked.
I'm taking a break from my work in the greenhouse to have tea with the lady and the maid, Katrin. I was going to ask my father if I could work in the greenhouse, but Yang himself wanted to work outside because he wanted to get used to the cold of King's Landing.
Suddenly he was concerned about my health, and I, who was in perfect health, tilted my head.

"Why?

My voice is scratchy, and I'm a little ......

It's a voice change.

Voice change?

When I explained to her that it was because of her voice, she rolled her eyes, as if she didn't know.

I'm having a growth spurt. Don't worry if I sound like this a few times for a while.

I hope you're not sick," she said, tilting her head and nodding at my inability to speak.

"Does your voice change?



It's a modulation that girls don't have, so she can't imagine it, and she stares at my throat curiously. There's a larynx that's starting to come out.

"Yeah. It gets lower.

"Low. ......

The lady frowns, wondering how I imagined it. It's a gradual process, so it won't get lower all of a sudden. I was a little curious as to how low she thought my voice would go.

"Even if you're not sick, your throat must be tight. Can I put some honey in it for you?

Katrin was concerned and held up a ceramic jar of honey. I thanked her and said no, I was fine. For a moment, the thought of the honeydew on top of the lemon jam crossed my mind. So I paused for a moment to say no.
The lady didn't miss it.

Zak, you're not feeling well, are you?　You're a little fuzzy sometimes.

She asked a little angrily if I had a fever. If I were hiding the fact that I wasn't feeling well, I'd probably be scolded for it. But I'm quite healthy, I shake my head.

"I was just thinking about something I'm not used to.

What's troubling you?

I smiled at her and she gave me a caring look. It's nice of her to worry about you if you're not feeling well either physically or mentally.

I'm not worried, I'm fine. Besides, this is something I need to think about.

You've got your answer. It's just a matter of how to tell her. I've made up my mind.
I can't let anyone's opinion influence my decision, so I can't rely on anyone. So don't talk to your daughter or Nico. I met Nico the other day, and he might have noticed, but he didn't ask. I'm grateful to Nico and to the lady who is concerned about what's going on.

Thank you for worrying about me.

"No, I'm not worried about you, ......!

When I laughed with gratitude, the young lady was surprised and upset by something and looked for an excuse, finally claiming that it was because she didn't want Katrin to catch a cold. It was a bit of a stretch to worry about whether or not she was worried, but she insisted, so I nodded.
I changed my mind, thinking that if I was going to make her worry like this, I might as well be a little more proactive. I thought I could just tell her when I saw her, but I decided to go and see her myself.
On the day off after I made up my mind, I was getting ready to go out to Mariya's bakery since I had no plans. Just as I was putting on my winter jacket, there was a knock at the front door.

"Zak, are you there?

Johan?

As soon as I knocked, a voice came through the door and identified the visitor. I went to the door and opened it to see an unexpected sight.
For some reason, Johan, who had many fresh scars on his face, and Marija, who seemed to have been grabbed by the wrist and taken away by Johan, were standing together, looking away from me awkwardly.

Did you get into a fight ......?

I'm not sure what to make of this. The only time I've seen a hand fight was a few years ago when I was a little kid. Moreover, this time, Johan was injured on one side. I wonder what happened to him.

I'm not hurt in any way. No.

Without answering my question, Johan thrusts Mariya in front of me.

"Hey ......?

What happened to your bravado earlier?

You've got to be prepared for that.

You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?

What?

The two of them start arguing in front of me, unable to comprehend the situation. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what's going on, so I can't mediate.

"Zaku, take him away, he's annoying. I'm drinking Auntie Rie's tea.

Yeah.

Oh, we need to get you patched up first.

Johan stumbles past me and into the house. He suggested that I treat his injury, but my mother warned him against it because Johan insisted that he would get better if he was left alone.
She followed Johan into the house, and when she looked back at the doorway, Marija was lying on her face, still and motionless. Johan told her to take her with him, but where should he take her?
In any case, the person I was going to see is right in front of me now.

"Mariya, can I talk to you alone, please?

I asked, and she jumped her shoulders. She pondered for a few seconds and then gave a small vertical shake of her head.
I thought about going outside, but I didn't have anywhere to go, so I decided to take the two cups of tea my mother had made and talk in the courtyard of the house. I turned over the wooden box used to carry the seedlings and laid a thick cloth on it, and we both sat on it as chairs. Johan and Mother are having tea at the dining table, but even though they are on the same floor, they are far enough away that they can't hear each other.
Marya uses the lap blanket that Mom gave her, and puts a mug on top of it, wrapping it with both hands. This way, the heat of the hot tea would be transmitted to her hands through the mug.
I took a sip or two, feeling the heat of the tea warm my body, and then I started to talk.

I thought it over.



Marya remained silent. But her fingers tighten around the mug, so I decide she's listening and I continue.

"...... I can't take Marija as my wife.

I almost say, "Sorry," but I hold it back. I felt that neither "sorry" nor "thank you" would be appropriate to convey my answer.
After hearing my answer, Marija finally opened her mouth.

"Is there someone else you like ......?

"No.

"Then! Then you can make me a candidate for your wife!

"Mariya.

I stopped her from saying anything out of desperation by calling her name. It's not polite to withhold such a thing from Mariya, who took you seriously. I want you to take care of yourself more.

"I only thought about Mariya.

She's three years younger than me, but she's an amazing girl who's determined to choose her future.
She's hardworking and strong. I don't know how long she's been thinking about me, but I don't think it's because she's crazy, I think she's just trying to be taller. The reason for this is probably the age difference between us. I'm not an adult, but I was born before Mariya.
Mariya was already a girl. When she confessed her love to me, I was surprised to realize that.
So I think.

"I want her to be happy.

I didn't know if I was saying it right, so I struggled to hold the mug in my hand.

"But with someone else. I think it was someone else.

It's a memory from a previous life, but I understand how it differs from romantic feelings. It's about whether you can imagine a future after your feelings are shared. Even if Mariya can imagine a future with me, I can't imagine myself next to her.
I like Marija, but it's definitely not a romantic feeling. So, for Marija, it's the same as not liking her.
I don't know how she will take my answer, which is based on my own view of Marija as a girl of the opposite s*x. No matter how I said it, I knew it would hurt her, so I prepared myself for that.
I'm not sure how she's going to take it.

"............ Zak, that's terrible.

Yes.

"No fair.

Yes.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but it's a good idea. I nodded and accepted the blame that fell with her tears. Every time she spat out her accusations, she drank a cup of tea. It was as if she was trying to make up for the tears she had spilled.
In the past, I would have stroked her head and lent her my heart as much as I could until she stopped crying. But from now on, I couldn't.
After drinking her mug of tea, Marija wipes her tears with her sleeve and stands up to get a refill.

She wipes her tears with her sleeve and stands up. "I don't care if I become a good woman and regret it later.

She opened the door to the dining room and walked in.

"Right.

I smile in affirmation. A girl who can stand up for herself is definitely a good girl.


This year, it did not snow even in February. It's a little disappointing, though, because we live in an area with a low snowfall rate.
The rain in winter chills me to the core. That's why it felt colder this year than last year. Why does it feel less cold when it snows, when it snows because the temperature goes down? Maybe it's because I'm more excited.
I thought about this as I cleaned the stone pavement of the main entrance. After it rains, it is dangerous if it freezes, so I spread dried straw to absorb water, and then swept it with a broom. If we spread gravel, it would prevent slipping, but it would spoil the scenery. Therefore, it is better to use dried straw.
Yan and I took turns carrying the swept straw in a cart, and by the time we had finished cleaning the stone pavement, it was already late afternoon. By the time we had finished sweeping the cobblestones, it was already late afternoon. Jan said she would take care of the last straw on the cart, and I went to work on the greenhouse.
Since then, whenever I see Marija, we have an awkward exchange. Compared to the first time, when she used to turn and run away when we made eye contact, it's probably better now that we can talk. I can't do it as well as I used to, but I'll be glad if one day I can get used to the new distance and talk normally.
I guess I'm a horrible person if I say no and then feel lonely when people don't like me, like Mariya said.
As I walked along, watching my breath turn white and melt into the sky, I arrived in front of the greenhouse. I take a deep breath in and a big one out because I can't see inside the greenhouse.
I breathed in, and then exhaled. The fresh air that I had inhaled was exhaled out with the heat of my lungs. I watched the white disappear, and felt refreshed.

Ah, I'm so tired.

I stretched out my arms and let it out. When I said it out loud, I realized that I was tired.
It wasn't that Marya's feelings were a burden. I was simply tired of the emergency of being confessed to. I thought about a lot of things I don't usually think about.
The hardest part was to get rid of the external excuses like "she's like a sister" or "she's just a child" or "it's about Johan". The answer was simple, but why was it so difficult to tell her? After all, love is difficult for me.

Good work.



A word of encouragement came back to me as I spoke to myself.
I turned around and was met with pale blue eyes. Her soft, pale blond hair swayed softly. I thought for a moment that her hair, which was transparent in the light, would melt into the air like snow.
The young lady is smiling with her emotions in her words. She was probably just saying that she was tired from working in the garden. But I hadn't talked to anyone about it, so that comment sunk in.
My cheeks naturally relaxed.

"Ma'am.

"Zak, your throat is healed.

After he said that, I noticed that my voice was coming out easily. I'm not much of a talker, but it's still a relief to be able to talk without feeling like I'm choking.

I told you I'm not sick.

I laugh at the relief in her voice. Her difficulty in speaking seemed to bother her.

You're getting a little low. ......

Is that so?

I don't think I've changed at all. You know exactly what I mean. Maybe it's because you have good hearing.
She puts her bent forefinger to her chin and looks thoughtful. I wonder if she feels uncomfortable with my strange voice.

"Weird?

"Not strange, ......, but rather...

"Rather?

When I asked her what she meant, she seemed to have come to her senses and her cheeks flushed.

It's nothing, it's nothing!　I'm going in quickly, the tea Katrin prepared will get cold.

"Oh, what's today's snack?

I was more interested in the sweets than in the topic of conversation, so I continued to ask the lady who was going into the greenhouse first. So I quickly forgot that she was about to say something.
Today's snack was a baked snowball to make up for the snow that hadn't fallen. I was scolded when I said that the baked goods in the shape of snowballs were just round cookies, and the lady lectured me about the types of baked goods.
I can't even distinguish between different kinds of baked goods, and I may never be able to fall in love.