I was in the worst mood when a man named Comet Sakakiki appeared in my life.



I always carry a small notebook with me.
It is an ordinary notebook, but one that I would never show to anyone. This notebook is my proof, my guide, my very important notebook, and if I lost it, I would crouch down with my ears covered.
It was in the third grade that I realized that there was another me inside of me. No, the opposite. I am the other.

Colors exploded.

I don't know the world before that explosion, so for me it was like a birth.
I don't know where I am or who I am. A high school girl, sweating in the midsummer sun, was standing on the road. She appeared to be on her way to school.
I opened her bag on her shoulder and checked the contents, but they did not seem to be her personal belongings. I felt as if I had been robbed.
I knew that the bag was mine for the first time when the fingerprint authentication of my cell phone went through. I started by getting to know myself.
My name is Alina Hibane. My address was listed in my account information on a shopping site. I looked through my contact information, but no one could picture my face from my name. Not even the face of my mother, the person I cared about. There was no contact information for my father.
The unbearable loneliness crushed me, and I ran into the park and sat on a bench. I couldn't go to school.

I am in the third year of junior high school.

There was a notebook at home.
The name "Arina Hinoh" was written in beautiful letters on the cover. I opened it lightly, thinking it was a study tool.
On the back of the cover, there was a note that read

If you don't remember this notebook, it's been a long time. What starts on the next page is your history.

Huh. .......
I thought I was a bad boy. I was disappointed in myself because I thought only boys wrote notes like this. I stopped reading before I got embarrassed.
Mom had not come home yet. She seemed to be at work.
I could tell her real face from the pictures on the wall. But it was hard to guess what kind of person she was just from her picture. And I did not know what kind of tone he would use to talk to my mother or how he would behave with her. If I met her, she would give me a quizzical look.
I wanted to keep it as secret as possible. I felt like my Qualia was screaming at me not to worry my mother.
So I tried to find "me" by referring to the video recordings on my phone, but there was nothing. Numbed, I opened the notebook again.

I read a couple of pages and felt sick.
It was a detailed description of Alina Nippa.
Who she liked, who had confessed to her.
Her height, weight, eyesight, blood type, tone of voice, tone of voice, facial expression, behavior, personality, relationships, favorite coffee shop, hobbies.
My status is recorded in every detail. And what happened every day was also recorded. I never skipped a single day. There are nine notebooks in total, covering about three years. The entire record from the latter half of the sixth grade until now, when I am in the third grade of junior high school, is packed in these notebooks.
I first look through the ninth notebook, which contains information on recent events. The ninth notebook, which contains information from the summer of my eighth grade year to the present day. Lost in time, I trace my life. In the records, I put more emphasis on the feelings of the moment than on the events of what happened or what I did. For each event, ten real-time emotions and five impressions. That's how I divide it.

I hear that I am very popular.
It is true that once I went to wash my face in the washroom and saw my face for the first time, I said to myself, 'Wow. I'm so beautiful. I couldn't help but stare at it. I know it sounds like someone else's problem, but it was definitely me.
The page with the names of the people who had confessed to me was horrifying. The background, the results, and their impressions are carefully added. And he has turned down all of them beautifully. His firm stance was as if he was a stranger to me. It even seemed as if he was using himself to write the diary, as if he was looking down on himself.

Yes, just like I am now. This was written by Alina Hiba herself, but not by me. I am actually reading this record from a third person's point of view.
Surprisingly, I felt a sense of familiarity.
I thought I was the only one in the world, but there was a girl in this notebook who was in a similar situation to me. And it exists only for me.

I found out I was being bullied.
They say it's because of jealousy. Even this is written objectively by Alina Hiba. Her writing style was not shaky from being upset, and the words ran smoothly.
Alina Hiba is a girl who treats everyone without discrimination, but she does not step beyond a certain line, nor does she let anyone step beyond it.
Not that there is anything wrong with her behavior, but it seems that some people were offended by her attitude. It is natural for them to think so and to recognize it. We cannot control how we change our minds. It is impossible not to think about it.
Arina Hiba seems to have become a target of bullying because of such humanistic passions. But she did not seem to be in a pessimistic mood. She may have been just pretending to be calm, but she was objective to the end. It was the perspective of God in the novel. She was masterful.

I read through the book and then came back to myself. Who am I anyway? I don't know anything. Like a baby, I have zero connections.
This note is for me. This Alina Nippou knows I exist. But why? I was born only hours ago. Is he some kind of esper or something that knew me before I was born? A premonition of the future?

I don't know her, but she knows me.
She's like a little girl with amnesia.




The next day I went to school.


I was conscious of my mother's behavior and tone of voice as written in the notebook, and there was also a section on prior knowledge, so I filled my head with it and interacted with her without any suspiciousness. I thought she was a very nice person.
I blamed myself for saying it as if it was someone else's problem. I should not have said such a thing to her because she was my dear blood mother.
The thought of going to school was not without fear. I can't fool myself about this. I only know how much they hate me and how much they hate me. After all, it's in writing. There are limits to what can be said.

At the end of the day, the backbiting turned out to be terrible.
Whispering beside me in a volume so subtle that I can barely hear it.

'You're so pretentious.

I know you are not talking to me, but to Alina Hiba. So I made up my mind not to care about it, but it made me surprisingly angry. Frankly, I was as angry as a volcanic fire. I could not be unsympathetic to the person who was my only ally and who had been trying to support me since long before I knew her.

So I decided to fight for Arina Hinata. I am also Arina Hinata, but our personalities seem to be opposite.
I'm strong-willed and outspoken. The Arina Hibane of my notebook is a pretty girl, but I dare not play the part. To protect her.
I will thoroughly reject those who try to undermine me and write them down in my notebook so that I won't have to worry about them when I switch personalities.

Since I decided to do this, my reputation at school has changed drastically. I have become a douchebag and a changed person. It's true that I've changed.
I think it's a good sign. I think she would have killed herself if she had been bullied. It's crazy to look at yourself that objectively. I think she's in some kind of psychic detachment. If that's the case, she must have reached her limit. The fact that I am here is proof of that.
Still, there were some bullying behaviors. The girls' networks and communities are terrifying, and the harassment against me quickly heated up. It was all so unsubtle that it could only be described as sordid. Sand on my desk, sand on my shoes. No shoes. No one.
But not everyone in the school was an enemy. The boys gave me a big "I love you" and a certain number of girls treated me without prejudice. I guess the community is different.

After a few months, I lost my memory for three whole days.
I thought it was like a time leap. I closed my eyelids and the next time I opened them, the scenery had changed. Three days had passed. Even though I tried to stay calm with my rational mind, my instincts were shaking. I immediately opened my notebook. As expected, the other me left a message.

I may as well die now.

I was struck with a fear that my world was about to collapse. I quickly investigated what had happened.
It didn't take long. He said his mother's lunch box was thrown. Nothing that extreme had ever happened before. In fact, things had been quieting down recently. I thought I had become bossy and they had become bored, but it seems they had just reached the end of their patience. I wonder if they are trying to tell me to "stand my ground". If that's what you want to say, let me say this.

'You have a heart that cannot bear to look at.

I said it out loud, and the main culprit was taken aback. He was upset that I was talking to him directly because I had not been taking him up on his offer. But the other guy was also very aggressive.

I told you I was sorry. I didn't mean to hit you.

And I hit him as hard as I could. Time stopped for a moment in the classroom.
My divorced mother gets up early every morning to make lunch for me. My frail mother works desperately every day with only her hands to support her only daughter. Even when she is tired, she smiles and says 'see you later' to me, thinking of me, her daughter.
She treated my lunch box as if it were her own. She has no idea how frustrating that is. She doesn't know the mother who nods her head when she looks at the household account book, or the mother who gets ready for school at 5:00 a.m. with a smile on her face. This is the first time I have ever thought that ignorance is such a sin.

My attitude remained the same even after I graduated from junior high school. The people who used to look at me as an enemy are gone, but as for trusting people, I am no longer able to do so. The only people in the world I could trust with my heart were my mother and Alina Hiba.
As soon as I entered high school, people started whispering about me. It wasn't about the bullying in middle school, but about a beautiful freshman.
I continued to reject confessions, as Arina Hiba had done, and I would attach harsh words to my confession to get rid of them. Isolation does not make me feel better. But you can't fix your personality. It's just - this is who I am.
The day has come, or at least a little bullying has come in high school. I was impressed by the fact that there are people like that everywhere.
Then I realized that I had been taking everything in the past as if it was someone else's problem. The reason I was so arrogant in junior high school was because I thought that the bullying was not directed at me but at Arina Hiba. By the time I realized that I was using her as a target, I regretted that I had already done something too late.
At the same time, I began to think that Arina Hinoha was also using me as a receptacle. I thought that I was created by my mind that wanted to push something unpleasant to the other me, to change the point of view.
But strangely enough, I did not resent her. I think that I am what I am because of that. It seems so.
But I had the will that one day I would have to become whole. I was aware that I had to become unwanted, so I had to at least create an environment. But there was no way. I was trapped in the confines of high school again.

Just as I was struggling with this, Dr. Akakusa appeared without warning.

Alina-san, since when?

I spoke my truth.
I knew I had to change in order for the other me to come out, so I asked for his help. How can I do that? I think I was talking nonsense. Dr. Akakusa was the first person I told my secret to. I let it all out.



A boy named Comet Sakakiki appeared.
That day, I felt very bad. My skirt had been torn. It was obviously not a natural tear, but the fibers had been cut in a straight line. I don't know who it was, but it seemed that the enemy was still trying hard to get my attention.
I was fed up with this Comet who approached me with his light footwork, 'I have to find out his real name to write it in the confession list of my notebook again,' he said something I did not expect.

'I'm trying to rehabilitate you. Here, sit down.

Rehabilitation.
I honestly thought I had reached a turning point.
Something was going to change. I was sure of it.

Comet Sakakiki was an unusual person like me.
But he also had a fresh and exciting mind that showed me interesting things.
I'm sure he would put Arina Hiba at ease.
I analyzed it objectively.




I wondered if I could have a good time with him until I was gone.
What do you think? Alina. Alina.

I closed the notebook.
Today is the day of the festival. I borrowed a dress that my mother used to use when she was a model, and I have to win it because I'm going to participate in a fashion show. I wanted to show it to my mother, but I'll have to content myself with a picture.

I told him not to come, but I wonder if he's really not coming...

I put on my shoes and check if I forgot something. Okay, I'm fine. You stand on your toes, check the comfort of your shoes, and tap them on the ground, subtly signaling your mother that you are leaving the house. The sound of my mother rubbing her slippers on the floor always puts me at ease. I love that sound.
Mom comes out of the kitchen. She wipes her hands on her apron and smiles her usual gentle smile.

'Have a good day, Alina.
'Yes, I'm off!