'...... so that's what it was.'

When he once again expressed his love for me to my face, I was unable to respond in any other way than to clam up and give him a pathetic response.
I had no experience in confession, so I didn't know how to react in this situation, and my mind went blank reflexively.

When did you start ......?
'...... since middle school. Ever since'.

Heavy .......
I guess I was pretty stupid to think that they were good girlfriends. Many times I have wondered why Shirana cares about such a crazy person, but now I finally understand.
At the same time, I realized that every little action of Shirana's made sense.

Every time she confessed her feelings to me, she asked me what she should do.
She often asked me for advice about her future.
She has asked me to join the tennis club to the point that it hurts my ears.
When I told her that I was a single aristocrat, she would get depressed.
The fact that he has been worrying about me more and more since I started to get involved with Alina.

It all made sense. Everything was connected.
And I was the most despicable person I had ever been. I treated her so badly. I think it's as outrageous as ignoring someone who is waving her hands frantically.
Ignorance is a sin.
I was just a little shit.

What's the point of me? I'm a crappy person, if I do say so myself. For once I'm not joking.
'That's not true. I know that.
'I really can't ......
'I know exactly what Comet has been doing behind your back. You took the initiative in carrying the luggage of a teacher who was on maternity leave, and you helped the committee that was understaffed at the junior high school festival without being asked to do so. ......'
'I was able to do this because I was a homecoming club. Shirana. For me, Shirana is different from other girls because I've known her for a long time. That's why. So, it's a waste.

I don't like Shirana romantically. I can assure you that this is an undeniable fact.
But it might have been possible. A future where I fall in love with her and we go out. But I'm not good enough for her.
Fundamentally speaking, I'm an insecure and timid person. I like to joke around because I can avoid it easily, and because I am simply afraid to let the focus be on me. Claiming to be a bachelor is a kind of rejection. I make a "don't get involved," a baton, to protect my constancy.
That's why I'm no good.

'...... but I fell in love with you!

A heartbreaking lament. I have suffered too, but I know it is Shirana who has suffered the most. She doesn't care about me.
Have you ever seen her teary-eyed, as if she were about to burst into tears? I don't remember her cheeks and neck flushed like that.
But the choice is made. It is one of the fork in the road that she does not want to take. It was difficult for me to go out with her out of pity or out of hesitation that she might like me. Because I care about her. I don't want to treat her like that.

'Shirana, I--'
'Wait!

He holds his chest and screams a little louder. I was startled by her voice, which was unusually loud for Shirana.

'Don't tell me ......, I know.

He covers his face with his hands and turns over.

'I knew that you liked ...... Comet Alina,' he said.
That's not--'
'It's not different. I knew that when you were talking to Alina, you seemed to be enjoying yourself from the bottom of your heart. She said, 'Oh, you like her, don't you? Comet really likes you. I realized that I couldn't help it anymore. I'm sure Comet denies it, but I think Makoto-kun is aware of it too.
'...... No, but--'
So I'm giving up on Comet once and for all. I won't let anything like this happen again, ever.

Shirana looks up and gazes at me with fragile eyes,

I actually liked Comet. It took me more than three years to tell you. ...... I'm sorry for bothering you! Bye!

She ran out of the ex-rose garden with the back of her hand over her mouth. I wonder if I should have followed her at that time. I caught up with her, grabbed her shoulders and made her swing back,

'--'

He's going to say something. But what?
It was a blank space for me.
Left in the former rose garden, I sat down with a thud in my chair like a broken thread. I think I understand why Alina brought flowers to this silent space. It's certainly lonely. Inorganic, decadent, and cold.

'I don't know anymore ......'.










Welcome back, Ni-chan.
'Good morning ......'

I replied to my sister's voice coming from the living room, 'Mom! I think all the screws are out of my brother's head! I'll go look for it! I ran to my room.
I put down my bag, loosen my tie, and fall on my bed.

'ah......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa '

He flailed about on the bed like a jittery, spoiled child.

'Nuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa '
'Shut up! I'm calling the police!

He violently opened the door, and his sister gave him a near-threatening reprimand.


Then it closes, and the footsteps of my sister move away.

'...... wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
'Brother. I'm seriously going to call the Chinese People's Liberation Army.'
'Make that the Self-Defense Forces.

The next calmly replied to her sister, who reappeared.

'What did you do? What's wrong?
'Nothing. There's nothing here.
'You must have something. Say anything.
'Okay, no more "what" next time. I'm going to be an idiot.'
'Why?'
'D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh!

As if in response to my roar, my phone rang.
My sister clucked, 'Oh dear,' and went back to the living room this time.
It was Alina calling. Why on earth would she call ....... again?

Hello? Embassy of the Republic of Uganda.
If you were well enough to tell jokes, you wouldn't have to call. Pay the caller's bill.
'I never thought that that cruel and inhumane dictator, Alina Hiba, was worried about me. ......'
'Remember that when you see me at school tomorrow.
"The number you have dialed is no longer in use...
'That's so annoying. ......'
'I teased you too much. I'm sorry. It's unusual for you to call me out of the blue.
"How was your day after school?"

You're talking about that out of the blue.

'...... before I could say no clearly, Shirana told me she was giving up.'
'Eh.'
'It's just like you said. I give up. I said that and walked out of the rose garden. ......I regret so much that I could have said something more.'

Alina seemed crestfallen, and the call continued to make only a small noise.

'So ......'
'Thanks for everything. For taking the trouble to call me.
I'm not saying that...
'Tsundere doesn't suit you.'
I don't think so. Well, I'll talk to you later. You don't have to.
'Oh. Thanks.
'Yeah. I gotta go.'

Two Two Two ......

Then he collapsed again and sighed heavily. I feel like a dried-up fish.

'It's been a tumultuous day: ......'

Kozue Kanazawaguchi. Shirana's confession. Alina's phone call.
So many things have happened in a row, and I'm exhausted. My body complains that it wants to fall asleep, and my consciousness sinks below the surface. My fading ego whispered to me for the last time.

Was it all right?

I don't know what that is. If you have an example of the first correct answer, tell me where to find it.

I don't want to think about it anymore.