When Yudai asked me for a quiet and secluded place, I suggested the former rose garden. The former staff room is a perfect choice since no one stops by there and the floor itself is not in use. I mean, that's the only place I know.
I thought that the third-year students might know more about it than me, but I decided to keep quiet because this might finally free me from this situation and I might get into trouble if I talk too much.
The door is unlocked, isn't it?
'It's probably broken.
The truth is that Dr. Akakusa's awareness of the importance of keeping the door closed is low. Next time I'll tell him that I'll break into his house if he's so low. First we need to find out his address.
Yudai and I sat next to each other, facing each other across the long desk, and sat on chairs. Kanzawaguchi-senpai looked at Yudai-senpai with sleepy half-open eyes, and Yudai-senpai looked away shyly every time his eyes met mine and stared at me as if to distract me. I can't wait to go home. .......
The first thing to do is to make sure that you have the right tools and the right people to help you. Do you know why I went out with Comet-kun?
'...... because you like that guy.'
'No, it's not. To get Yudai to give up.'
'! So there's nothing going on with that guy over there then!
'Don't worry, senpai. I was just cooperating with Kanazawa-guchi-senpai, so I don't have any romantic feelings for him.
''Comet. It's a little frustrating to hear you say that. Am I not attractive enough?
'I have a lot of it, I have a lot of it, I have a lot of it. It's on a level that could be exhibited in the British Museum.
This will have the opposite effect. Look at Yudai. He's watching our exchange from beginning to end with a grumpy look on his face.
I thought Yudai would give up on me if I told him I went out with Comet-kun.
'...... you think that's going to make me give up?'
'At least it makes it harder to tell them. If you confess to me now, I'll be thought of as a 'lousy man who tries to steal Kanzawaguchi away from Comet-kun. Even you would be affected.
'Still, I won't give up.
Oh, I can't wait to go home: .......
I just want to spend time watching TV with my sister.......
'Can you please stop this? It's a statement of intent. It's a statement that I will never go out with Yudai.
'Why do you reject me so much ......?'
'Because he's a male university student.'
'That's not a reason.'
'Yes, it is.'
No, it's not!
Can I really go home?
I was about to be crushed by the awkwardness of being sent out into the open. I've never seen it, but I fantasized that this is how daytime dramas are supposed to play out. It's the kind of drama my mother would like. Ugin also said, "Woooo! I'm sure you'll be screaming with a gleam in your eye.
But I felt a little strange. Strangely, they were talking to each other in a friendly manner. From the outside, it may look like they don't get along with each other, but if they really don't get along with each other, would they call each other this much or talk deeply with each other? I think this kind of conversation is only possible if you know each other well. At least I do. I can't wait for this whole situation to be over. I hope there will be an earthquake of intensity 2 or so.
Can you stop confessing to me at least once a month? It's annoying.'
'That's how much I like you, Kozue.
'I don't really care. You're graduating soon and you're still sticking around?'
'That's because I'm graduating.'
'Seniors, calm down a little ......'
'Hold on a minute, comet. I'll finish now.'
'Don't interrupt me.
I guess I should go home. What's my position? Mascot? Carbon dioxide emitting machine? Humanoid?
'I'll talk to the teacher, okay? I'll also tell Yudai's parents.'
'I don't care.
'...... I'm going to be really angry.'
'Then why did you say yes to me then!
Huh? What do you mean you said okay back then? Muromachi period? What, were you guys dating? These two?
'I was out of control.'
'That's not true. You looked like you were having a really good time.
'That's an illusion. It's not true.
'No, it's real.
It's like I don't understand the context. It's like reading a long English sentence.
'Because ......, because I really like you! It was hard for me to betray Yudai too! But it was too much for me to suppress with my rational mind. ......'
Suddenly, Kanzawaguchi Sensei began to cry. Tears dripped onto his knees, and sobs echoed through the room. It seemed unlikely that he would be able to continue. Yudai muttered, 'd*mn ...... d*mn ......,' and turned his head down, holding the tops of his eyes.
The two of us were sad. Me, who was shocked.
What the hell? This chaotic world.
Am I the only sane person on earth?
Once the two of us were forcibly separated, I took Kanzawaguchi-senpai with me and went out into the hallway. I asked him to explain the situation. To tell the truth, I don't think we're going to end up going off-topic if we keep talking like this.
Please tell me what happened in the past.
'Yes, yes, wipe your tears.
Don't take it out on me. Were you two dating? Please explain it to me properly.'
'...... yeah. In middle school.
'So we're from the same middle school. You were dating at that time?
'...... yes. I think I liked Yudai for a while. Gush.'
What does the expression 'I think,' mean?
'...... I've found someone I really like from the bottom of my heart.'
Ahhh ....... Poor Yudai senior. .......
'I fell in love with him right after we were in the same class in the third grade. But I told myself that I couldn't because I was dating Yudai. But I was really bitter. The thought of going out with someone else made my throat constrict. ......'
I think it's cheating. .......
It's cute when you're in middle school, but when you're an adult, it's going to be a big deal. You'll get stabbed.
'I strongly thought that I liked Yudai more, but every time I thought it, I disliked him more. ...... but Yudai didn't notice my feelings, so I became even more disgusted with his favor. ......
'I see. ......'
I just hummed and hawed. Let's escape as listeners.
Then I sent Yudai a breakup text message without any reason. I was at my limit. It was not a feeling that could be dealt with by reason. Since then, Yudai has repeatedly asked me to get back together with him.
'That's right, isn't it? ....... So, who was the man that Kanazawa-guchi-senpai was in love with?''
'Different high school. I failed out, so I came here. I didn't know Yudai was here.
I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. But I still see him in my dreams. I think I still love him that much. I even look for him unconsciously on the street.
A maiden in love, I guess. I don't know. It's a pinkish unknown world to me. But as a man, I sympathize with Yudai. And Kanzawaguchi-senpai, you are heavy.
It can't be helped that you fall in love with someone, and there is nothing you can do about it. Love is not theoretical. If it can be explained by a theory, it's not love but a fearless conspiracy' my sister said proudly. She was probably quoting from a romantic drama. To be honest, I still don't understand what she said, but I agree with her that it is not theoretical.
I think the common question, "Why do you like him? You can pull words like "kind," "cute," "cool" and so on, which have defined meanings. But none of those words should feel right. It's not that there's anything wrong with that. It is simply a limitation of words.
Mr. Kanzawaguchi may be blamed. But if you were to put yourself in his shoes, would you be able to remain rational? Would he be able to shut out his instincts?
Please tell Yudai everything. All the things I couldn't tell you before. Let's end this.
And let's go home. I'm thirsty.
'...... yeah. We'll talk.
So she went back to her old teacher's office. I didn't follow. There was nothing more I could do or say. I just want the two of us to get out what we've been holding on to, to get some answers and some closure.
And I'm finally free. I made it.
'I'm home, my sister.
My sister, who had already taken the entrance examination with a recommendation, was warming herself with a kotatsu (table over a kotatsu). As soon as I put down my bag, I fell on my face on the floor. I was so weak that my body felt like slime.
What's wrong, brother?
'I'm tired of everything.'
'Move to the sofa or a kotatsu because you're in the way. Your mother will be in trouble.
'Ugin doesn't bother you?'
'I'll wear spikes to get through, I'll be fine.'
'You're a ghastly ......'
With all his strength, he stood up and fell down on the sofa.
'Ugin, you're a man of words, aren't you?
'What's the matter? You just came out of nowhere.
'I suddenly remembered something you said to me once. It's enlightening.
'I don't think I'm saying anything too silly like you, brother.
'All right, give me some words of wisdom about love.
'Yeah, I don't know.
'Just a quick thought.
'Yeah... I don't think so... I don't think so...'
'Just say it.'
Only those who fall in love without expectation know true love. Friedrich von Schiller'.
'Sensei is cool. ......'
My sister's face, which had been relaxed into a smile, tightened up and she said those words of wisdom.
I think our personalities are becoming more and more similar. I began to worry. At the very least, I want Ugin to become a great person. ......!
The next day, I bumped into Kanzawaguchi-senpai in the shoe box.
Good morning, comet.
You look sleepy as usual. He stretched out his back and groaned.
Thanks for yesterday. Yudai understood.
'Well, that's good to hear.
'Please tell me that we were never in a relationship. It may be hard to explain to people around you, but thank you.
I'm used to it. So, senior. How did you know Alina's secret?
''You mean personalities?''
'Don't look so scared. You'll make me cry.
'Your senior's crying face was cute.
'Your face is scary...... but it's true about eavesdropping. I was running away from Yudai and happened to pass by that former teacher's office when I heard it. There was supposed to be no one there, but there were men and women, you know? I was curious.''
''Have you told anyone?''
'I didn't. I'm not going to tell you. And about fixing Alina-chan--''
This is it. I cooperated with Kanzawaguchi-senpai to hear this story.
There's no convenient cure.
You mean you were deceiving me?
So don't look so scared. It's not like I scratched you or anything, okay? You don't know for sure if a mental illness is cured. Dual personalities are even worse. Then I ask you, on what basis can you say you've been cured?
'Is it a single ...... personality or something?'
'Are you sure about that? The personalities that get erased aren't fake, okay? That personality might become desperate because it's afraid of being erased, you know? And how do you know it's one personality?''
I don't know.
It's not a cure, it's an adaptation. Dual and multiple personalities always suffer from anxiety about not fitting in, unconnected relationships, a diluted identity, and an unstable psyche. Having someone to lean on helps to bury some of the anxiety. They need someone who understands them, you know? Someone who doesn't treat me like a freak.
The reason for the dual personality is different for each person, but you should not try to overcome the trauma. You will become more unstable.
Mr. Kanzawaguchi was more serious than ever.
Do you understand? What I'm going to do now.'
'...... support Alina?'
'That's a matter of course. You need to nurture Alina's sense of security, and sincerely talk to her about her worries and concerns. That's all you need to do. Talking is very important. You don't have to do anything else. You don't have to do anything unnecessary.
Looking back on my past, I see now that I was about to do something terrible.
I thought that one solution was to unify our personalities. And Alina and the others seemed to want it, so I took them at their word. I'm glad I didn't think about the specifics, but I almost did something terrible to Alina.
Maybe I should go to the hospital after all.
Thank you very much. How do you know so much?'
'I went to a relative's doctor and asked him about it. I didn't intend to deceive Comet-kun from the beginning.
'I'm sorry. I felt cheated.
'That's terrible. But I'm glad I could be of help to you. She's a good girl.
'That's why I've been staying at school after school. If you need any help, let me know. I'll go out with you.
She poked my chest with her fingertips and walked away. I wished that one day he would be reunited with the person he had been thinking of. I also wished that Yudai would correct his eccentric views on love.