It is indeed difficult to keep waiting.
Makoto's words continued to echo quietly in my mind after the reunion. It would be easier if we knew the future. We can prepare ourselves for the coming moment.

If our stories are also fixed by fate, then there is no point in waiting and hoping.
Yes, it is similar to reading. The story inscribed on paper already has a fixed beginning and end.
So let us pray to a metaphysical being. No matter how little hope or possibility.
Do not mix ill will with the destinies you possess.

Since I started to adopt such fatalism as one of my principles, I have felt a little less anxious.
It's not that I've become indifferent. I simply stopped waiting and accepted him as he was. I decided to concentrate on the fact that he was sleeping.
You may think I'm crazy or weird, but I'm not a very strong person at heart, so please forgive me for this. I'm going crazy if I don't.

My essay submitted to a weekly magazine was published and I received 100,000 yen as a prize. I thought of using the money for living expenses, but since it never existed, I decided to buy something tangible to commemorate the occasion.
The first thing that came to my mind was a wristwatch.
I stopped by a local watch shop and happened to see a very simple black and white wristwatch with three hands. I was strongly attracted by the beauty of its uniqueness and bought it without hesitation. In no time at all, the 100,000 yen had flown away, but strangely enough, I had no regrets.

I wonder how much time is off when this watch stops.

Compared to his and my time discrepancies, a once-a-month time adjustment is a mere pittance.
Three years. Three years, that's the gap between him and me.
I couldn't hold his right hand as he lay on the bed like in a movie. I'm afraid to do it if it's cold.

I have a gift for you. Don't get confused about what year it is and what time it is. I'm sure this second hand will help you.

He left the hospital room, placing the watch gently beside a vase of flowers.





I turned twenty-one without being aware that I was twenty or that I was an adult. Perhaps I had become accustomed to growing older, but I did not feel "special" when my birthday came.
In the past, just turning one year older would have been a great joy and a great growth for me, but now I just think, 'Here I go again. I wonder if that is what it means to be an adult. I don't think I fully understand it yet.
As time goes by in my third year of college, I see a few students who are job hunting here and there.
I thought it was too early for me to be a senior yet, but maybe I am just fundamentally late. I don't know whether I am slow or fast because I don't think about it at all. Where are the standards and averages?

No? I'm not ready either.'

I asked Chiho during lunch in the cafeteria, and she did too.

She said, 'I guess those who are fast are fast. Maybe. I don't know either.
'I know you're anxious. I wonder if I should start too.
There are plenty of jobs out there, so you don't have to think too much about it, do you?

After consulting with Chiho, I felt that I had opened a path of destruction, so I decided not to talk about it. But if I don't get my act together, I will end up as a job-hunter and have to spend my days fighting against pressure. Maybe it is time for me to get serious.

Why don't you just become a model? I think Alina is at a level where she can fight. I mean, fight!
'Unfortunately, I'm not that self-promotional. I guess I'm not like my mother in that respect.
'Alina's mother used to be an actress, right?'
'Model. I'm not.
'That's great. Alina will definitely sell! I'll buy it!
'I can't because I'm afraid I'll give the photographer the middle finger. I don't like having the lens pointed at me.
What a waste! You know what? There's a story that if you take a picture with Alina, it will look super, you know? So let's go! Enter the world of modeling with confidence!'
'What's that? That's so annoying.

I sighed and cast my eyes down, and Chiho came up to me with her phone in her hand. Startled by that, I tried to run away, but it was too late.

'You'll call me oil and water again,' she said.
'It's okay! We're cool girls, and we're going to make the Internet world go crazy with our pictures!''
'My account that you forced me to create. Now I know why my followers are growing and growing. I was scared. I want to give you a taste of the fear of being supported by something you didn't do anything about.
'Oh my God, what is that? I'm trying so hard to do my best, and it's annoying to be followed so easily.
How can you say that when you ignore the right of publicity?

I open my phone to check and see that I have more followers. Chiho had already uploaded a photo she had just taken, brightly processed. She had already uploaded it with a tag that would lead back to me.
I felt bad about not doing anything anymore, so I took a selfie with a blank expression on my face, lost in my blood. I added a single word, 'I'm eating food,' in hiragana only, to give it a low-intelligence-quotient feel. The blank expression was a small protest.

I disliked it at first, but since I posted the expressionless selfie the other day, I've been a little bit addicted to it. It was really an accident. I laughed at this so-called "need for approval".
As expected, I was still embarrassed to be alone, so I took only two shots with Chiho. Because of this, there was a rumor that Chiho and I were homos*xual. I am a normal person. I'm straight. I have someone I like. It's disgusting.
But there was a good thing. A friend from high school found me and followed me. Shirana, Rinne, Yuri, Ryuka, and so on. Through this connection, I learned for the first time what they are doing and where they are now. Shirana is in beauty school, Rinne is a college student in Tokyo, Yuri plays tennis in college, and Ryuka is a member of a college drama club. I was so happy to know that they remembered me even though we had never seen each other since graduation.


I have decided not to open it during lectures, but the urge to do so is simmering in the back of my chest.

(This is what you call social networking addiction. ......)

I tried to control myself by staring at the shining head of my professor to regain my composure. I'm sorry, Professor. You look like an octopus in the sun.
I was concentrating on the lecture with my pen running. Suddenly my phone rang.

Hiba-kun. Please put your phone on silent mode.
I'm sorry, I'll be careful.

I hurried to the exit, apologizing for my heckling as the professor chastised me.
I guess I was punished for staring at the professor's head too long. As soon as I got out of the hallway, I checked my phone and found a call from Ugin-chan.

I froze in place.

Despair flashed in my mind. Ugin-chan and I send each other messages, but we rarely call each other.
I can hear her voice by sliding my finger just a few centimeters. And I must. I know this, but my body won't move. I feel like something is ending. It feels like it's starting.
The screen has gone dark. Because I didn't answer.
I lean against the wall, my strength slipping away. I'll change the ringtone on my phone next time. It's traumatizing.
I put it away in my pocket, thinking that I would call back when I had calmed down.

Tin-tin-tin-tin--.

It rings again.
I press my chest against my strong heartbeat. The rapid increase in heart rate makes me gasp for air.

' , ...... --'

I picked up my phone with determination.

'Yes, this is Hiwa.
'Alina-san! Excuse me! My brother--''