Huh?
　What did you say?
　Annoying?

Hey, I'm sorry if I said something offensive. But I don't--
'But'?
I'm....

　I'm at a loss for words.
　Cecily stepped out of the covers and sat on the edge of the bed.
　A pair of crumpled black tights peeked out of the folded quilt.
　The hem of her dress showed her raw white legs.

'You once described me as being 'like a fragile glasswork'... but to me, you look much more like a fragile glasswork.
..........

　A searching look catches me.

'You don't talk back. 'I mean, you have an idea.'
It's...

　I turned over and folded my hands.
　I can't quite squeeze out the words that follow.

'In the end, you're just like me. I don't want anyone to hate me, so I'm desperately trying to play the role of the 'good guy' that everyone else wants... I understand.

　Cecily's smile, as she brushed back her drooping hair, was laced with a hint of lewdness.

'Because that's exactly what I used to be.

　Cecily crossed her legs.
　It was a gesture that somehow seemed out of character for her.

'It irritates me to see you. It's like you're showing me your old self.'

　I gingerly tightened my hands in silence.

'I'm not ... different ... from Miss Cecily.
I suppose. You're Hibigami's 'nemesis' and I'm his 'disappointment'.
No.... and I have a lot of respect for you, Cecily.
Respect?

　I'm cowered by the sharp gaze directed at me with slight annoyance.

'You always seem to say 'respect' or 'like' so easily out of your mouth, but you say it to everyone, don't you?　I'm trying to make you like yourself.
I mean it.
What you said to me in front of Hibigami was because you wanted me to like you, right?
'Miss Cecily, how could you...'
Hmm?　Isn't it?
What the hell is wrong with you?　If you're being sneaky about Hibigami, he said, that's too much to worry about. What Hibigami said in the first place is only on that guy's standard...

　Cecily, her face down, gritted her teeth.

'When did you--'
?

　His shoulders were shaking as if he was holding back his anger.

When did you become able to speak to me from such a superior perspective........
..........
Every time you spoke to me, every time you touched me, you were throbbing........
..........

　Miss Cecily looks up.
　She was glaring at me.
　In a muffled voice, Cecily said, "You're not really any different from me.

'You're really no different from me.

　She lifted her hips and stood in front of me on the couch.

'And yet ... and yet why are you--'

　The coldness returns to her face again.
　Her mouth is the form of a smile, but there is an emotion in her eyes that could be described as hostility.

''You're stronger than me, right?''

　Cecily took my right hand.
　Then - she pressed it to her left breast.

'Why, Miss Cecily!　What?!
'Then--why don't you try to screw me over here?　This is such a terrible thing to say?　Then let's just get angry and make a mess of it!
'I don't know what you mean!　How can that be!

　I didn't have time to be aware of the feel of what was being pressed against my right palm.

'I'm a glassworker, aren't I!　That would be easy to break, right?　Look!

　She almost takes my left hand as well.
　But I paid her off.

　The glasswork is easy to break.

　I stand up, too.
　Then I grab Cecily's wrists.
　I put a little pressure on them.

　But - even if the glassworks collide with each other, they'll both shatter into pieces.

　An awkward smile is directed at me.

That's fine.
No, it's not a good idea.

　Cecily-san, who seemed to have confirmed that my intentions were not in line with her will, glared at me with a frustrated expression.

''Ha, please let go of me........!

　Mr. Cecily shook her head and balked, struggling to untie my hands.
　I let go of her hand.
　And she stepped back, recoiling from the sudden release of her restraints and losing her balance, but staying on.
　Then she stared at me.
　But the next thing that poured out of her eyes were.......tears.

'Cecily, sir?'
'I know, I know, this is just taking it out on you. I know you're being incoherent, too.

　Cecily clasped her white hands and shook her shoulders.

I'm sure that no matter who came, I would have hit them all. I'm sure I'd have taken out this uncomfortable feeling on someone else........
..........

　Okay.
　That's why she didn't want to see anyone.
　She knew that she would be blindsided.

'But you know, they're all very kind. But because of that - I can't say anything. You can't let those kind people.........take the blame for Zeke, Hyrgis, Hana, and Banton........

　A weak sob escaped her mouth.

'But I couldn't bear it ... my misery. So I wanted to let it out to someone else. I wanted to speak my mind. Even though I knew that I might say something terrible. But still.....

　That's why he came at me like that, like he was trying to stir things up.
　I knew there was something wrong with him.
　It wasn't like that, I mean.

'I'm fine. I don't mind. Look, look, I'm like an outsider!　And one guy even said something like he chose me to be his b*tc*y partner because he had no ties to me!　So don't worry about it!

　Cecily gnashes her teeth.

'So, that's the thing--'

　Cecily raised her clenched fist.
　And--

That's what I'm talking about.

　He hit me.
　It's more than that.

Why--why are you being so nice to me?　Why aren't you mad at me?　Are you that worried that you don't know what people look like!　You're that afraid of people hating you!
..........
'Oh yes I do too!　I'm always worried I'm not getting the look on my face!　So I'm stifling my 'self' and putting up with it!　But it's in your nature, isn't it?　You--you didn't act it, did you?
..........
Ugh.........I, too, really wanted to be that way.......!　Dammit how come I'm not the one who learned the forbidden curse?　Why can't I be the one to deal with the hibigami?　　Why am I not allowed to be as natural as you are?　You can't be a natural, and they won't like you!

　Popping.
　He was beating my chest like a spoiled child.
　His crying face was muffled.
　I don't know if it's rude of me to say this, but she was like a little child.
　He was like a little child.

I'm working so hard... and yet no one is praising me!　We all take it for granted that we can do everything!　But I'm always trying to do my best!　I'm just barely hanging in there!　I don't have the ability to do everything!　What a 'God's Beloved Girl'!　I've been--

　Cecily's hands stopped.
　Then she buries her face in my chest and says in a fading voice.

''I'm just a human being too...''

　Then, for a while, Cecily was crying quietly.

　　　　　　　　　　*

　Cecily finally seemed to have calmed down when the sound of her sniffing had diminished.
　I sat her down on the bed and went back to the couch myself.

''I'm ... sorry.''

　Cecily-san uttered an apology as she looked down at her crying, swollen eyes.

''I........maybe I envied you. It's not just a matter of time before you get to the point where you'll be able to see the difference. I envied you for being able to do that. So I wanted to shake that perfection, out of jealousy.

　I let out a huff of laughter.　

'Miss Cecily, I knew you were wrong.
"A mistake?
I'm definitely not like you.
Yes ... of course. You're a natural and strong person, while I am--
So it's not.

　I could only make a troubled smile.

''........Kurohiko?''
I'm not very strong. And I'm not a natural.

　I decided to keep a smile on my mouth for now.

'You know, I'm not very confident in myself. So Cecily is right. I want people to like me........yes, I know I want everyone to like me. You want people to like you for being kind to you. Because I have very few memories of people who liked me, because I have very few memories of people who liked me.

　I don't remember anyone ever liking me in my previous world.
　I was always alone, somehow.
　So it made me happy to come to this world and have someone to relate to me, to be kind to me.

'I've never had someone else be nice to me like this before. That's why I was so happy. But at the same time, I was afraid of losing them. But at the same time, I was afraid of losing them. Because if I didn't become a 'good guy', I might lose it.

　A natural smile of self-mockery comes to mind.

'Is it weird that a guy like that would want people to like him?
It's a...

　Miss Cecily lowered her long eyelashes.
　It wasn't so much that she didn't know what to say, but rather that she looked like she was feeling remorseful.
　She looked down at her own hands.

'It's just, I think of it this way, too. It's a good thing that you're able to get a good deal more out of it. But even without the forbidden spell, Cecily-san, people still like you. That is something that you won through your own efforts. Including the effort to maintain that good looks. But I........it's like I got my powers from a shelf.
I don't think so.
Are you sure?　I'm just the kind of guy who's desperately trying to act like the 'good guy' everyone wants because I don't want anyone to hate me, you know?

　Another perturbation arises in Cecily's expression.
　Her expression seems to be a mixture of anxiety and regret.
　There's a little bit of regret mixed in with mine.
　I didn't mean to blame her in any way.

''I'm sorry, that was a bit mean-spirited of me to say that. It's just, even I--''

　....................
　It doesn't work.
　I've been holding back - but my voice is finally starting to tremble.
　He wouldn't even be able to make a proper expression.
　That's true.
　It's because I'm deliberately poking at the parts of myself that I don't want to be poked at.

　But if you've come this far, you may have no choice but to let it out.
　I couldn't stop myself.
　Maybe I wanted to let it out to someone else too.

　I put my forehead on my hands folded in front of my knees to hide my expression.
　I swallowed a gulp of spit.

'I wanted to be one, too.
Did you want to be?
I couldn't be, I couldn't be.

　I wanted to get on with my life and be the funny guy that everyone liked, like the main character in a comedy novel.
　I wanted to start my life over, like the perfect superhero in a Hollywood movie who never makes a bad choice.
　I wanted to start my life over, like the strong-willed comic book hero who is not overwhelmed by anything.
　I wanted to start my life over, like the hero of an adolescent anime, surrounded by girls and in the throes of adolescence.

　With a funny guy.
　A perfect superhuman.
　He had an unwaveringly strong will.
　I wanted to start over.

　I wanted to start over.
　I wanted to be the person I was never meant to be.

　I have tried to change, I have tried.
　Not wistfully.
　Have a purpose.
　I was determined to move forward.
　And I made a decision.
　And I'm not going to change now.
　And I won't change it.
　But...

I try to change, I try to become stronger, but at the root of it all, I'm just 'Soraku Kurohiko'.

　I bite down hard on the roots of my teeth.
　I breathe quietly.
　But - it wasn't working.

'At my roots, I'm a failure below the average person. In the end, I haven't become........the person I wanted to be.

　I couldn't stop what was spilling out of my eyes.

''Um, Kurohiko I've been thinking about you--''
'Everything you said, Cecily, is right. I'm very fragile, and I'm so fragile that I love all the people who are kind to me... I'm that kind of person. I'm vulgar, you know, to the core.

　After I finished saying it, I suddenly felt a pang of regret.
　It's a no-brainer.

　I meditate hard.
　What am I saying, letting my emotions get the better of me?
　What do you want to do by talking to Cecily about this?
　I thought you were here to hear what Miss Cecily had to say?
　Isn't this the part where I comfort her in a very cool way?

　But it was difficult to control the rush of emotions that were pouring out.
　d*mn.
　I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.
　I looked up and tried to put on a smile somehow.
　Try not to look serious.

'Actually, I've been worried ever since I came 'over here'. I thought they wouldn't accept me over here either.

　Looking back on it now.
　It was the second night after I came to this world.
　This is what the big man said to Mia, who said she was a sub-race without a country.

I'm not going to be able to get away with it.

　At that time, of course, my anger at Mia-san for saying such and such to her was stronger than anything else.
　But... maybe I subconsciously felt that I was being told about myself as well.

　You're an outsider after all," he said.

　And so I...

'So I guess that's why I was so desperate to be accepted by people over here. Because I was--

　Because I'm from Japan...

We're just strangers from the East.

　Okay I'm sure I'm making you smile.

"Kurohiko, I'm....
Ahaha..... I'm sorry to start talking about myself out of the blue, but I don't recommend you to stay indoors.　You'll end up like me if you're stuck indoors and not engaging with people... nah.

　Suddenly, I thought Cecily stood up and took my arm and pulled me closer.

'-----'

　Eh.........

　Depending on how you look at it, I had just collapsed onto the bed in a way that pushed Cecily-san down.
　Or rather, Cecily-san was holding my head and my face was buried between her breasts.
　A smell that wasn't my own.
　Then there was the faint breathing, the movement of her lungs with each breath... the sound of her heart.
　It's too close together.........

'Fine.'
What?

　Cecily put her hands on both my shoulders and gently pushed me up.
　I do as I'm told and raise my upper body.
　Then we are just a head of space between us, and our faces are facing each other.
　Our lower bodies are close to each other.
　The sound of the fabric rubbing against each other felt awfully loud.
　Deep blue wet eyes catch my attention and don't let go.

'I'm willing to accept you if it's okay with you.

　Do you accept that?
　Does that mean you're going to accept... well, that's what it means?
　That's about the only thing I can think of, given the circumstances...

If you want, I can be your future wife?
My wife?
You once said you wanted to be an upstart, didn't you?
Like I said...
'Taking me, the daughter of House Arkwright, would make it easier for you to reach a high position. You can also take advantage of your grandfathers' position. I'm sure that if you have to attend an evening party, you'll be noticed by the side of the room. Also, as a man, won't this satisfy your self-esteem?
I don't know if that's true.
Think of me as a tool. Please, use me for your own ascendancy.
It's a tool.
But be sure to look after it.
..........

　There's no air of joking with Cecily-san right now, nor is there a sense of sarcasm like she did earlier.
　Serious.........is she serious?
　She smiles at me glossily.

'Hmm, or do you want to 'do' this kind of gameplay later, first?　It's okay?　Only if you're willing to accept me.

　The sound of me swallowing my own spit sounded awfully loud.

'I had high hopes for you. I was hoping that this person would understand me... and that he or she was somewhat 'like' me. But after the incident with Hibigami and others, I was beginning to think that he might be different from me. But...you say you're different, but you're just like me. We have already found out each other's true feelings. This is now our secret.

　It's our secret.

We would make a good partner, wouldn't we?
Is that why you're doing this?
Yes, of course it was a calculation.

　Cecily smiles at me.
　She doesn't seem to have any intention of hiding it.

'But even if it's a miscalculation, wouldn't it be a great deal for you to gain?　The responsibility ... will be fulfilled, but...

　A beautiful girl, who is probably the best in the world, has told me that she accepts me.
　And now we're in a state where we've revealed our true feelings to each other.
　In a sense, the relationship we had until now will be 'over', but............................it's more like a comfortable relationship.
　I have a feeling that I can get along well with a girlfriend like that.
　If you look at it objectively, there is no downside to it.

''..........''

　But.

Oh, don't underestimate me too much, Miss Cecily.

　I said, and I got off the bed.

''...Was he dumped? It wasn't exactly a momentary lapse of mind, though.
'No, it took a lot of determination. Because it was Cecily, you know.　If I hadn't heard your true feelings earlier, I might have been in danger.
'Huh, another random thing to say. You're a convenient man, really.

　Cecily, lying in bed and looking up at the ceiling, said pleasantly.

'May I ask why I was rejected?'
Because I'm not good enough for Miss Cecily.
You're doing that again.
I'll be there.
..........
I'll be good enough for you. I'll try to be a good match for you. And if you still feel the same way, Cecily, I'll give you a proper answer again. Well, that's assuming you're waiting for me. So I won't hold my breath.

　Cecily covered her eyes with her arms.
　Then she whispered and chuckled for a moment, and then fell silent.
　A silence fell in the room.
　I waited.
　I knew she was going to say something.
　Miss Cecily opened her mouth.

'I'm confident that I can wait but isn't that a very cowardly way to escape?

　Cecily's mouth was torn as she kept her eyes hidden.
　And the next word she let out was accompanied by a refreshing sound for some reason.

'Now that was sloppy ... silly.'

　　　　　　　　　　*

　Cecily must have felt like she had been denied everything she had built up.

　To Hibigami.

　The denial of existence.
　What I had worked so hard to build up to the point of death was completely denied.
　It was deemed worthless.
　Hibigami had said that he would only work with them one more time if they became Shura, but there was a sense that those words contained the unspoken meaning of 'it would be impossible anyway'.
　Cecily-san must have found that out as well.

　It was the incident that triggered it.
　And so she lost sight of her place in the world, her place to live.
　As a result, I didn't even understand myself.
　There is nothing to cling to.
　The only thing that grew was a misty feeling.
　Maybe it was like that.

　The night the rain began to fall on the royal capital.
　It's the first rain since I came to this world.
　I'm wearing the cloak that was given to me when I left the Arkwright house because it was going to rain, so my uniform didn't get too wet.
　I was told that they would take me to the school in a carriage, but I refused to do so.
　Because I was in the mood to go home alone while I sorted out my feelings somehow.

　Cecily said she would be at the school tomorrow or the day after.
　After feeding her some soup and bread (for some reason she said 'instead of being rejected' and I had to feed her), she walked out of the room to reassure Zeke and the others that she was going to be there.
　Then she apologized for being withdrawn.
　Even if she was somewhat underdressed, she was still her usual Cecily Arkwright in her behavior.

　He suddenly stopped and looked up at the sky.

''..........''

　Even so, I feel like I have a strange relationship with Cecily-san....

　I start walking again.
　And as I walk, I think.

　But.........can I change?
　Or has it changed a long time ago, but you just don't realize it yourself?
　Myself.
　What is myself?
　I'm not sure.

　I don't understand, but - right now I'm just going to do what I can and want to do.

　First of all, I'll succeed in my mission to defeat the Magma Giants.
　Since we probably won't be defeating them right away tomorrow, I'll borrow the example holy magic sword from Currier-san and go to Clarice-san's place tomorrow.

　Then I walked to the school and returned to the house.
　Dinner was left on the table, but Mia-san wasn't there.
　I'm sure she's busy with her maidservant duties today because of Makina-san's trip to the castle.

　I threw my cloak and uniform into the laundry basket and filled the bath tub with hot water.
　When I soak in the hot water, my cold body is warmed to the core.

　I get out of the bath.
　I wipe my body with a cloth.

　--The first thing to do is to wipe your body with a cloth.

　...........
　Hmm?
　Rattle?
　I look at the door.

'Huh?'
Hmm?
Mr. Currier...?
You just finished bathing. Sorry.
Well, why are you here?
You can't call out to them and they don't respond, so I took the liberty of coming up - yikes, don't show it to me, idiot! You can't do that!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

　I hurriedly cover the important part with a cloth.
　I think I just heard a strange and cute scream of 'sneeze'........

'No, no, you don't need to apologize. I'm the one who's to blame.
I know what I'm doing!　Please close the door first!
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

　The door slammed shut with a heartfelt apology.

''..........''

　I quickly start getting dressed.
　Ugh, I was usually caught off guard.
　I even feel like my serious mode has been blown out of the water just now.......

　By the way, Currier-san, why did I come at this time?