*

　Makoto was lying on the ground, looking up at the night sky.
　The sky was covered with thick clouds and was cloudy and white with the light emitted from the ground.
　It's a dirty night sky, he thought.
　The night sky was much clearer than the one she had looked up at when she was a child.
　She smiles at the thought.
　No wonder the night sky in my hometown is so clear.
　It's crazy to compare a big city of over one hundred and fifty thousand with a country town in Saitama.
　I exhale quietly.
　That's all it took for the pain to hit me.
　My vision is dark and the sounds are muffled.
　The taste of blood fills my mouth.
　I tried to move my body, but my fingertips only trembled slightly.
　My body is cold.
　Nevertheless, the frosty cobblestone pavement and the midwinter air were stealing away my body heat as if it were not enough.
　If this is the case, I might freeze to death.
　The moment I became aware of death, I felt a shock that grabbed my heart.
　Makoto is in a large park near the station.
　In the daytime it's reasonably popular, and even at night there are people jogging in the park.
　There are shopping and residential areas within a short walk.
　I didn't want to believe that I would freeze to death in such a place.

"...Why?

　Today was no different than any other day.
　He woke up in his own apartment as usual and headed to the train station via the park.
　At the office, he supported his junior staff while he did his own work and stayed until just before the end of the train to work on his materials.
　I followed the path I came in the morning in the opposite direction and was attacked from behind by someone.
　There were three or four people. They had metal bats in their hands.
　I couldn't move after the first shot, and I don't know how many times they hit me after that.
　I don't even know what they wanted to do.
　It was odd for a robbery.
　They didn't even try to steal my wallet, let alone ask me for money.

"...why?

　Makoto is an in-house salesman for a temporary employment agency.
　There's no denying the possibility that he's resented by people he couldn't hire.
　However, he handles everything on the phone.
　Considering that, it's hard to believe that he or she is targeting Makoto personally.

''.......Why?''

　Repeating the question to yourself is unlikely to answer it.
　The world does not operate on logic.
　The world does not operate on logic, it is a world where irrationality and unreasonableness are commonplace.
　Efforts are not always rewarded.
　Tragedy strikes without any foreshadowing.
　The ending is not always a happy one.
　Makoto first became aware of this more than twenty years ago when he was in high school.
　At the time, his father was in debt.
　The story of how he got into debt is not that unusual.
　His old boss approached his father, who had retired from a major trading company using an early retirement program.
　His father worked for the man, loaned him severance money to expand the business and even became a guarantor of his debts.
　Then the company went bankrupt and the father took on a lot of debt.
　It was a bad situation, but not the worst.
　The family of four could have paid it back in a reasonable amount of time if they worked together.
　But my brother, who had just graduated from college, ran away as fast as he could.
　The family's finances were on the verge of collapse, and Makoto had to give up his university education and work.
　It was a time called the "employment ice age", when it was difficult to find a job even for college graduates.
　It was even harder for Makoto, a high school graduate who didn't even have a moped license.
　He interviewed with dozens of companies and was hired by his current company.
　Service overtime and working on holidays were the norm, power harassment was severe, and complaints were frequent.
　I couldn't find a girlfriend.
　No, even if I had a girlfriend, I had to break up with her right away.
　I didn't have money to go out and buy her a present.
　Makoto fought with his parents many times.
　Each fight made him more miserable.
　Just thinking about the future was painful.
　When the debts were paid off, Makoto was twenty-eight years old.
　His mother had said he could go to college, but he didn't have the energy to start something new anymore.
　When he was about to turn thirty, he was ordered to transfer to a new job, and he complied.
　He was anxious about leaving the place where he was born and raised, but his brother's presence helped him make the decision.
　His brother came back to him.
　And he came back with his wife and children.
　His parents welcomed him warmly, but Makoto was not in the mood.
　While Makoto was wasting his life to pay off his debts, his brother had found happiness like any other.
　There was no way I could forgive him.
　It was all I could do to keep my hatred for my brother and his family at bay.
　If he hadn't left home, he would have killed them.
　Eight years had passed since I left my hometown.
　I haven't gone back to my parents' house, except to talk to them on the phone every now and then.
　The hatred still smoldered in his chest.
　Snow, Makoto squinted at it.
　A flurry of snow - larger snow - fell from the sky.
　The surrounding area is covered with snow.

''........already.''

　Tired, Mako closed her eyes.
　He was tired.
　He was tired anyway.
　Tired of life not going the way he wanted.
　His consciousness was slowly being swallowed up by the darkness.
　It was a sensation similar to slumber.
　He would die in waking and sleeping repeatedly.
　Strangely, I didn't feel any fear.
　Maybe this is what it means to feel calm.
　The sleep gradually became longer and longer.
　At that moment when I felt the awakening bother me, my mind buzzed.
　It was a small emotional outburst.
　It painted Makoto's mind like a ripple spreading.

''I........I don't want to.''

　Mako's eyes widened and she muttered softly.
　It hurts. His breath smells bloody. I feel nauseous. My head hurts.
　But I'm alive.
　I'm still alive.

"Who.

　I call for help.
　His voice is quiet and his body doesn't move at all.
　My fingertips barely moved.
　Still, he scrambled.

'No, no, no, no, I don't want to die. Why would I--

　I had to die.
　My vision blurred with tears.
　Snow covered my body.
　Why do I have to do this?
　Why should I be the only one who has to suffer?

'....Someone, help me.

　With those last words, Mako lost consciousness.