Let me out!
Who do you think I am?
I don't know why I'm in this situation. I'm so special. I raised my voice over and over again. I'm special, and the world loves me, and soon someone will help me. That's what I thought.
And now I'm sitting on the cold ground. I've never been in a place like this before. I could have anything I wanted. I was the first one they gave the good stuff to. They told me I was special, that I was a princess even though I was born a commoner.
That because I was special, it was natural for everyone to be nice to me.
---And yet, everyone looks at me coldly. No matter how hungry I get, all they give me is leftovers.
I'm special. --No, maybe I'm not special.
I deserve to be loved. ---No, maybe I don't deserve to be loved?
I felt uneasy as possibilities I hadn't considered before began to pop up. Things that I had taken for granted may not be the norm---that thought scared me. Because I was scared, I didn't want to believe what I had thought, so I spoke up. As if to say to myself, "I'm a godson! I'm a godson!
But the more I raised my voice, the more they looked at me with a coldness I'd never felt before.
Those eyes were terrifying. I've never had that kind of coldness in my eyes before. I was special, and it was normal for everyone to be kind to me. But now... that norm is about to be overturned.
Why am I being treated like this?
---Could it be that I'm going to end up here for the rest of my life?
My body trembles.
I haven't been allowed to change my clothes for a long time, so the mystical clothes I was given as a "divine child" are now completely stained.
I used to think that I was different from other humans. I thought I was the only one, the only me, and that everyone else was just a bunch of other people, and that they were supposed to follow me. Because that's what everyone said! But no matter how much I ranted and raved about it, I now find myself in the same position as everyone else I thought I was. I don't want to believe it, but maybe I'm in a lower position than that.
...... I'm no different.
No, I realized that I was just like everyone else who thought they were just like everyone else.
In that moment, I lost all my strength. I stopped ranting and raving.
I sat down and thought about myself.
I thought I was special and that's why I could say all those things.
---But I'm not special.
There was no one else around me who was allowed to behave the way I did. I've been forgiven when others haven't. I've never had anyone get mad at me. People around me were angry. If I didn't like it, the people who were trying to force me to do something I didn't like were gone from my life. For me, it was natural. I thought I was only allowed to do it because I was special.
But I wasn't as special as I thought I was.
I've come to realize that. It was only when I was in a situation where I could be taken like this and possibly die.
All my life, I've lived in affirmation. Everything I did and everything I did was affirmed.
This is the first time I'm being denied. No, it's not the first time. I feel that the people who were denying me were somehow being managed by the people who were affirming me. ---Now, there is no one here to affirm me. There is no one here now who can affirm me, and there is no one who can deal with those who deny me.
......... I've been blessed.
I realized for the first time that I was blessed with an environment that I had taken for granted. I had been living a life where being affirmed was a matter of course. But I never thought that being denied would be so shocking. ---And then, for the first time, I remembered the thing that had been denied to me all my life in the village where I grew up.
My parents never let it near me. My friends around me didn't want me to be around it either. So I didn't know it well. I had almost no contact with it. But I know it lived in my parents' house and was denied by everyone. I don't know his name. I may have heard my parents say it, but I can't remember. I think my parents used to say "that" or "that girl".
By the way, I noticed that she had disappeared, but I wonder where she went. Things that I hadn't paid attention to before came to my mind.
I wonder what those people who left my side because I didn't like them are doing now. I'm thinking about things I've never thought about before.
---The only thing I could do was to keep thinking like that.
And then, a few days later, I was freed from my captivity.
---- My sister's awareness.
(Maybe the sister of the girl who is a godchild will finally realize. What will happen to her once she realizes this?