135 Girl and consciousness

 Mr. Ilm and Mr. Sheeran are being watched as they settle into the village. So far, they haven't caused any significant problems. Mr. Sheehan says that Mr. Ilum works very hard and Mr. Ilum never leaves his side. Everyone in the village said it was easy to keep an eye on Mr. Shehan because he never leaves Mr. Ilum's side.

 And Fito, a hostage from that tribe, is living a leisurely life. To be honest, I'm not sure if she can communicate with the gods or not. Whether this is true or not remains to be seen.
 Mr. Ran said that it might be troublesome to bring Phyto and Illume together. He said that he didn't know how Mr. Illume would behave towards a girl who was said to be able to communicate with the gods.

 When I met her, I thought I might have to be aware. I also thought that I might have to accept it. I have to accept it. I have to think more about the fact that I am different from the norm.

 Mr. Ilm declared that I was a "divine child". He said I was a godson without any hesitation. I am still skeptical about whether I am a godson, but I have come to understand that it is certain that I am different from other people.

 So I have to accept that I am. When I met Mr. Illume, and faced with his overly heavy thoughts, I thought again.

 For example, what is a divine child, if I am really a divine child?

 It is generally said that a Shinto child is loved by God, or that the land where the Shinto child lives will prosper. But what does it mean to be loved by God? --If you hear that a being is loved by God, it looks like a being who is very happy and knows nothing of misfortune. But that's not true.

 My life in the village where I was born and raised was not a good one when I think of the happiness I have now.
 Meeting Sifo and Raymer, meeting Gaius and the others, made me feel happy. I learned about family and how to care for someone else. Until then, I was just living.
 Even after I felt happy, I lost Athos, Nilsi's village was attacked, and so on...not everything was going well. I was almost sacrificed by Shilleba and the other elves, and then I had to fight a demon of such great power that my spirit tree has not recovered yet. I had careless contact with my people, and as a result, Roma died.
 My life has not been all right, and there is no guarantee that it will continue to be all right.
 If I were a godson - it's not like a godson lives happily ever after. In fact, Mr. Ran said that a divine child would be involved in many things.

 What is a god child after all?
 I guess it's true that God loves me. But if I am a child of God, then who is the God who cares about me?

 The God who watches over me.

 I've heard that each god has a different influence on the child. Will the gods respond to me if I want them to? Phyto is said to be a special being who can communicate with the gods. If Phyto-chan is really such a being, then can we say that Phyto-chan is a divine child? All sorts of thoughts went through my head.
 If I'm really a godson---and if I'm going to use the parts of myself that are different from the rest of me---then I have to be more accepting of that fact.

 There may be more and more people who will look at me enthusiastically as a "divine child," like Ms. Illume did this time. Even though I said that I might be a divine child, the beastmen didn't change their attitude toward me that much. It's just that I happened to meet such people, and there are many people who would change their attitude if I might be a godson. I have to be careful what I say and do to them.

 I don't know what Mr. Illume will do with my words. He might act on his own.
 So be careful about everything I say and do in front of Mr. Illume. I'm careful about everything. I really wish I could just be spontaneous and not worry about it, but I can't help it. I want to use my special part to the best of my ability to achieve my desired goals. Then I have to accept that special part of me and do it right.

 ---It's not that I might. It's more likely that I really am a godson. It is natural to think that the changes in Raymer and Gaius are also the changes of a Divine Child as a Knight. I am a godson. I accept what I've always thought might be the case. It doesn't mean that anything will happen because I accept it, but it is a matter of feeling.

"God ...... is watching over me, God. I'll do my best, so please watch over me.

 God is watching over me. The God who watches over me. The God who is the reason I am different from others. I will use this power to make my goals come true. I told God in front of the altar that I would do my best and that I hoped He would watch over me.

 ---A girl and awareness.
 The girl, a child of God, accepted this fact after meeting a faithful priest.