53 An off-schedule meeting





昨夜の侵入者が女官長とは無関係の可能性が高いと聞かされたカイは、珍しく長い間沈黙していた. いつも浮かべている笑みも消し、真剣な表情で考え込む彼を見ていると、どうにも落ち着かなかったディアナだ. 裏方に徹する仕事をしているのがもったいないほど顔の造作が整っているカイが真顔になると、びっくりするくらいの迫力がある.

『てっきり女官長さんの差し金だと思ってたんだけどね……. 味なマネするじゃん?』

ようやく呟いたと思ったら、この台詞だ. 目が笑っていない笑顔で、実に楽しげに彼は言った.

『あの侵入者は『牡丹』とは関係ない. それははっきり断言できるよ. それで女官長とも繋がってないとなると……』
『やっぱり、私たちの知らない誰かが動いているってことになるのかしら』
『そういうつもりでいた方が、話は早そうだね. ……心当たりは?』
『……多すぎて絞れない』
『クレスター家のお嬢様で、『紅薔薇様』じゃあ、仕方ないか. ――分かった. 俺の方で、探れるだけ探っとく』
『ちょっと待って. 昨夜の侵入者さんのこと教えてもらえたら、探るのはこっちでやるわ』

カイはクレスター家の『闇』ではないのだから、余計な仕事を増やすわけにはいかない. そう考え申し出たディアナに、カイは獰猛な笑みを浮かべた.

『ひょっとして、それ聞くために会いに来たの? 無駄足だったね』
『カイ!』
『心配しなくても、シリウスさんに会ったら話は通しとくよ. でも、ディアナには言わない』
『何言ってるの. あの侵入者は後宮近衛の誰かよ. 私だって役に立つわ』
『……昨夜と同じこと、もう一回されたい?』

笑顔のまま一歩近づいてきたカイから、気付いたときには後ずさっていた. ――目の前にいる少年が、急に見知らぬ男に見えた気がして.

『そうそう、そうやって大人しくしとくこと』
『……あなた、変よ、カイ. 昨夜から、一体どうしたの?』

以前と同じようでいて、実際同じひとのはずなのに、どうしてときどき、違うひとのように感じてしまうのか. 分からないまま戸惑うばかりだったディアナに、カイはやっと、見知った笑顔を浮かべた.

『――さぁ、どうしたんだろうね? 俺は自分が何か変わったとは思わないけど』
『……嘘ばっかり』
『嘘じゃないって. 強いて言うなら――そうだね、見つけたくらいかな』
『見つけた? 何を?』
『――大事なものを』

それが何なのか、具体的には聞けなかった. カイがそこで話を切り上げてしまったからだ. 昨夜の侵入者について、詳しいことは、結局分からなかった.

(……なんだろう、カイが見つけた大事なものって)

大切なものなら、ディアナにだって沢山ある. 後宮に入る前には予想だにしていなかった、この閉ざされた世界で、これほど多く大切にしたいひとができるなんて.
けれど、カイが見つけた『大事なもの』は、そういった意味合いとは少し違う『何か』のような気がした. 同じひとを、あれほど違って見せるものとは、一体なんなのだろう.

とぼとぼ、人気のない方へと、ディアナは歩を進めていく. カイに会うという目的を果たした今、なるべく早く部屋に戻るべきだと頭では理解していても、そういう気持ちになれなかったのだ. 帰ったらユーリに怒られるだろうなー、と思いつつ、誰もいないところでしばしゆっくりしたかった.
たどり着いたのは、裏庭にある古ぼけたベンチ. かなり昔からそこに置き去りにされたまま忘れ去られているらしく、周囲の植物と同化して、不思議な落ち着きを与えてくれる空間となっている. どうもこの後宮は、蔦庭といいこのベンチといい、放置された備品の多い場所だ.
ベンチに腰掛け、背もたれに体重を預ける. 目を閉じると、日差しの温かさが、落ち着かない心を癒してくれるような気がした.
今日は風も穏やかなので、寒さよりは温もりが勝っているようだ. もうしばらくしたら、外でのんびりするには厳しい季節になるだろう.

「……そこにいるのは、もしかして、ディー?」

――半分眠っていたのかもしれない. よく知った声をかけられ、ディアナはそこでようやく、背後に人の気配を感じ取った. 慌てて身を起こすと、くすくす笑い声が響く.

「やっぱりディーね? こんなところで寝てたら風邪引くわよ?」
「大丈夫よ、私、身体が丈夫なことだけが取り柄だもの. ……シェイラ、どうしてここに?」

振り返ることはできないが、後ろにいるのは間違いなくシェイラだ. 園遊会で最悪の鉢合わせをしてから、ディアナは気まずくて、『ディー』としてすらシェイラに会いに行く勇気が持てなかった. シェイラも部屋に引きこもりがちだとかで、どう接するべきか悩んでいたところだったのに.
――背後の気配はどう控え目に見ても、引きこもってうじうじしている人間の空気ではない.

「ディーもここ、知っていたのね. 私も最近見つけたの. 人も滅多に来ないし、気分転換にはもってこいの場所よね」
「いえあの、場所の話でなくてね? ……その、」
「――もしかして、園遊会でのこと、気にかけてくれていた?」

Taking Deanna's silence as an affirmation, I heard Shayla take a step closer.

I'm sorry I worried you.
There was no need for Shayla to apologize. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out why Shayla bowed to the Red Rose. It's true that your uncle was rude to her, but that was his sin, not yours.
"As usual, Dee, all you do is worry about me. Don't you care about the 'Red Rose' who was insulted in public?
Not really. .... I'm more worried about Shayla than I am about the Red Rose. It's normal to worry about your friends, isn't it?

Resisting the urge to look back, Deanna continued.

"I heard you've been down since the garden party. I've heard that you've been under the weather since the party.
I'm grateful. With a father like that, she should have been expelled from the palace.
A protector is a protector, Shayla is Shayla. No one who knows you would ever equate you with him.
Yes, I'm very grateful. --Especially to the Red Rose.

Why are you talking about the Red Rose there?
The way she tilted her head, she was being watched closely from behind. Shayla's bell-like voice echoed.

Sheila's bell-like voice rang out, "You forgave my uncle for insulting you so much, and you forgave me without any blame. I don't know any other person who is so kind, so noble, so strong.
Shayla, I think you're buying too many things...
No, the Red Rose is a wonderful person. I found that out the hard way at the garden party. --I'll refrain from appearing in front of you at all since you hated me, but I'll do anything for you, Diana. I've decided that.

Deanna had to seriously worry about her ears and head. I think I just heard a word that I don't understand from beginning to end. ...... Well, that's what you call an auditory hallucination!

You don't believe me, do you? You don't believe me? It's okay. I'm the only one who understands how wonderful Diana is.
I don't want you to sulk there. ...... I mean, how could you come to that conclusion after the worst thing that ever happened to you?
It is not Diana who created the worst atmosphere, but her uncle. I'm not sure what to make of that.
Maybe it's just that as the Red Rose, you couldn't ruin the garden party...
Yeah, yeah. You're the one who put your position ahead of your personal feelings and tried to save a lot of people. ...... You have a noble heart, don't you?

If you nod at this point, you will feel uncomfortable beyond the point of self-admiration. I'm sure you'll be able to understand that I'm not the only one who has a problem with this. ...... But Deanna didn't have the guts to remain silent in the face of the strange power that Shayla was giving off behind her.

I'm not sure what to make of this, but I think it's a good idea.
I'm not going to admit it. I can't believe that all the rumors about Deanna are so bad. I can't believe that the rumors about Master Deanna are all that bad, but if you look at her properly, you'll see that she can't be that bad.
The reality is that there are very few people who will look at it properly. ......
What did you say?
No, it's nothing important.

I was chuckling at his unintentional genuineness, but decided to take the opportunity to ramble on about the rest of his auditory hallucinations.

I'm sure you're not the only one. Are there any rumors about that?
"Huh?
No, not "what? No, you don't. I'm sure you're not the only one. Like I said, it's not you who's at fault, it's your uncle, isn't it?
How can you not dislike a lady who brings you so much trouble?
When did you bring trouble?
Like with Her Majesty, when she helped me and I couldn't help her, when she was like that at the garden party.
It's not all Shayla's fault! It's a good idea to have a good idea of what you're looking for.

I could tell from the look on her face that Shayla was puzzled.

"Do you think so ......?
If the Red Rose says she doesn't like Shayla, I'm going to smash her brains in.
That's just too much. I don't care if you don't like me, and I don't care if you do.
"'I' is not good.

What's so sad is that I have to mislead my friends into thinking that I hate her. I can give up the adoring gaze for a hundred steps, or even a thousand steps, but I can't accept this.

"If you want, go and see the Red Rose. You'll see that my fears are unfounded.
"Dee, you can't do that. You can't do that. After everything I've put you through.
Don't worry about it.
No, it's not. What did I tell you? I told you I'd be happy to help you in the shadows.

...... That's what you said, too.

...... Can I ask what made you decide to do that, just in case?


It's simple. Deanna-sama has been helping us, the weaker members of her household, in her palace. In order to repay that favor and not displease her, we must be useful without being seen.

What kind of secret agent is that? There's no need for Shayla to turn to that direction at all, since the Darkness and Kai are already in that frame of mind. In fact, I'd rather have Shayla work even harder as a sidekick and a friend than ever before.

"At the garden party, someone gave me a word of advice. After thinking about it, I realized that this is the best way to be of service to you, Diana.
"I really appreciate the sentiment, but...
"Dee?

Dee's skin is about to peel off from the situation. I'm not sure what to make of this. I wondered how I could dissuade her from declaring her entry into the covert category.

"Dee, what's wrong?
"Yes, Shayla. It's a bit of a change of pace, but have you heard anything from Her Majesty?
...... You really have changed.

As a last resort, I brought up Her Majesty. I remembered that many women cannot listen to the words of a friend, but will listen to the words of a lover, because I remembered the information I had heard, which was not even true.
Sheila replied in a dubious voice.

After the garden party, the Commander of the Palace Guard secretly delivered a letter from His Majesty.
"Oh my. --If you don't mind me asking, may I know the contents?
There's nothing to hide from Dee. I'm sorry for everything I've done, I didn't know what I was doing. ...... It started with, "My feelings are only for Shayla, trust me on that, but I'm too pathetic to show my face in front of Shayla now. I'll come to you again after I've grown more as a king and a man." "When I do, I'd be happy to hear all about you." ......

Shayla's voice sounded slightly different from before. Even through the letter, she could sense the change in the king, a complex color with a hint of confusion, joy and anxiety. --It was clear that his presence was having a profound effect on Shayla, even if she couldn't put it into words.

...... What about you, Shayla? What did you think when you read the letter?
"It was...
Did it make you happy? --Did it make you want to believe?

This silence is a sign of affirmation. Deanna nodded, smiling, though you couldn't see it.

I envy you. I'm jealous you have a man like that.
"Dee, you're ......
"I'm not interested. I'm curious to see if he's a good king, but I've never seen him as a man.

I've never really understood what it means to look at a man as a man, even though I've said it. My father, my brother, Alford, and His Majesty are men. I'm not sure that thinking of them as men is the same as "seeing them as men. ...... When I asked Elizabeth about this a long time ago, all she said was, "You'll know when it happens. When exactly is that time?
I was tempted to ask Shayla, but I wasn't in the mood to bring it up. Shayla's voice took over the interrupted conversation.

...... It's not that good. It's not just beautiful.
It's not just beautiful.
It's not only beautiful. There are days when I wish I didn't know .......
Is that what it is?
I didn't know these feelings existed inside of me. --Maybe it's too late to find out.

Shayla's voice was bitter. They say that a woman who has found love glows with happiness, but judging by the way she was looking at him, I doubt that.
Perhaps she still couldn't admit it. Perhaps she still can't admit that the feelings she has inside her are of a special kind. That's why she's trying so hard to resist.
Shayla seemed very, very sad.

I don't understand. I don't know. I've never known such strong feelings that can't be stopped by reason.
Dee is such a strange child.
I don't know, but I do know this.

I'm sure you're not the only one.

I'm not sure how you can help someone if you don't have the courage to face yourself.
"...... What?
I think the most important thing in this world that you need to overcome is yourself. It is the insecurities, fears, feelings of inferiority, and despair that are always my strongest enemies. ...... Maybe it's the same with the Red Rose.

--Yes. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not going to take it from them. I'm not proud of it, but I'm good at running away from them.
But what really makes us strong is... Isn't it the "something" that comes from facing that darkness? It's not the strength you get by eliminating your weaknesses, but the strength you find by struggling through the dirt and grime that Diana wants to get.

If Shayla really wants to help the Red Rose, running away from herself is a long way off. Do you think she's the kind of person who seeks strength by pretending to be something she's not?
It's .......


「シェイラの言うことを信じるなら、『紅薔薇』だってきっと、ままならない現実を前に苦しんでいる一人よ. そんな彼女を救うために、どんな力をあなたは望むの?」

一陣の風が、二人の間を駆け抜けた. 気づけば、太陽は西へと傾いている.

「――ところでシェイラ、お昼は食べた? そろそろ昼食の時間も過ぎるけれど」
「え、……あ」
「まだみたいね. 私もなの. ……部屋に、戻りましょうか」

柔らかい声音を心掛けたディアナの気遣いは、シェイラにきちんと届いた. ふわり、笑う気配がする.

「えぇ、そうする. ……ありがとう、ディー」
「お礼を言われるようなこと、何もしていないわよ?」
「もう、あなたってそればっかり. ……ごめんね」

そっと、肩に手が置かれる. 細い指先に、ふと力が込められた.

「――私、もう一度しっかり、考えてみる」

可憐な声には、強い決意が込められていた.