Autumn.
It is the season of autumn leaves. The weeds, however, are still green and the sun shines its strong rays on the ground in a capricious and energetic manner.
I thought at the beginning of the school year that the second year would feel shorter, but it really does. This is partly because I had a rough idea of the schedule until the summer vacation. I guess it is the same feeling as when you feel that the way home is fast. And when the summer vacation is over, August is almost over. It goes by so fast. I felt so impatient that I wondered if it had been so short.
I did not run for the health committee in the second grade.
I did not join any club activities as a sophomore.
So I started my school life almost the same as I did when I entered the school, and I'm still living the same life to this day.
I have already passed the halfway point of my high school life, but there is no need for me to make a fresh start and change into a new me. In the first place, as high school students, we are growing day by day, and we are in the process of changing day by day. We are changing even if we are not conscious of it.
As if to prove it, our grandparents praise us, saying 'Oh my, you've grown up again! Sorry, Grandma. My height has stopped. Please don't let me start to lose my mind.

I'm off!

That's definitely not me. Only Ugin can be that cheerful and jump out like a pretty girl in a cartoon. If I had said "I'm off" with a smile on my face like that, I would have received complaints from viewers all over the country, and I would have been hung out to dry. Cute is right. What an outrage in this age that values diversity.
I left home a few minutes after my sister left.

During a break time between classes, I was sipping tomato juice and thought to myself.

Maybe I should have joined the health committee again.)

Since I became a sophomore, my contact with Mr. Akakusa has drastically decreased.
As a healthy person, it is rare for me to be in the nurse's office. As a professional homecoming club member, there is no way that I could be fatally injured. So, naturally, that beautiful back figure of mine was getting further and further away from me. I just pray that the young gym teacher won't beat me up.
The reason I didn't join was because I remembered that I was a homecoming girl. I was drunk with illusion and lost sight of myself. I have to be strong. I reminded myself of that.

'Comet, I want you to show me your math homework---why are you so serious......'

Makoto came in with a math textbook in his hand.

'Math? You haven't done the assignment?
'I tried, but I couldn't figure it out. Please help me.
'I can't rely on mine. It was difficult this time. Ask Nitotsuru.

With that, he pointed with his chin in the direction of Nitatsuru. I have never spoken to her, but I know that she is academically gifted. And then there's her looks. I don't know if she meets the school rules, but she is dressed in a fashion close to the so-called "gyaru" (gyaru). She'll take care of all your study needs.

No. She'll definitely look at me funny.
'I don't understand. Maybe she's looking to meet someone too.
'I'm not looking for anything. ......'
'I see. I'll show you.

I handed him the old notebook. Without looking at the cover, Makoto said, "Thank God! and returned to his seat. Apparently, he was going to cheat in the next Political Science class. I can't wait to see how he stuttered when he opened his notebook in class and found that what he had borrowed was not mathematics but classics.
And then the chime rings at the perfect time. The end, Makoto.

The lunchtime dinner with Makoto never happened.
It's not that I forgot to send the invitation. Having failed to cheat in Political Science class, he finished his lunch as fast as a whale swallowing plankton, and now he is running his pencil frantically over my math notebook. I understand the hassle of homework, but make sure you finish it. If you are pressed for time, quit club activities and go home. You make your own time.
After giving lemon juice to the urinal, I passed Shirana on my way to the vending machine. Five months have passed since I entered the second grade, but looking back, I have no recollection of my conversation with Shirana. I think it was because I had changed classes and she was in the class next to mine, so we had no contact with each other.

Our eyes meet for a moment.

If only I had been able to greet her like a nobleman with a fresh 'Hey' or 'How are you?
There she was with two strangers. I don't want to get in trouble. The suspicious person is about 5'8" tall, thin, looks like a middle or high school student, and talks to her suddenly in the hallway.
I'm not even allowed to ...... open my mouth!




I felt very bad that day.
The skirt was ripped in an unnatural way - it was torn discreetly, as if it had been cut with a knife. The culprit must have thought that he would have caused a big problem if he had cut it in an exaggerated way. My enemy was still smiling in the shadows, desperate for my attention.
My enemy, or rather, the enemy of the "other me. Otherwise, my existence would be meaningless.
However, I have recently come to think that nothing will be resolved if I continue like this. It was obvious to me what would be left after the elimination, elimination, and so on. I do not feel good. But it's too late now.

I was going to leave as soon as I finished cleaning up after school. I couldn't help but notice the tear in my skirt. I had done the first aid, but I was afraid that it might come undone at any moment and cause me embarrassment.
I was putting things in my desk into my bag when I found a book.

Oh! Return date, today ......)

I had completely forgotten about the book I had borrowed from the library. After a moment of hesitation, I sighed and walked out of the classroom with the book in my hand.
The librarian knew me because I had borrowed the book so many times that I could almost say that I was a regular borrower. They probably knew how unsociable I was and how often I visited. As usual, I handed them the book.
When I turned toward the exit, I saw Dr. Akakusa peeking out of the slightly open door. When his eyes met mine, he closed the door with a panicked look and his white silhouette crossed the frosted glass.


Was there something he wanted to see me about?
Perhaps because of this small incident, my mind suddenly wandered to the next book I was going to borrow, and naturally, my steps took me to the bookshelf.
The demand for the library seems to be decreasing with each passing hour. People don't read books. This is the result of the diversification of entertainment. I wish I could read once in a while, but the dust that accumulates grows thicker and thicker like a stratum that tells the history of the earth. Kneading the gray dust from my fingers, I looked up at the bookshelf and slid my eyes down the spines of the neatly lined books one by one.
It was then.

It's rare to see you here,' he said.

A man's voice.
A tall male student stood beside me.

'You're disgusting. Die.

I respond reflexively. Most of the guys who talk to me are frivolous men with ulterior motives. I hope they'll back off now, but if they confess to me, I'll be in trouble. I will have to find out his real name and write it down in my notebook.
But he is still there with me, despite my rejection.

What is it? Can you go away?
'I'm afraid I don't have the ability to move at a moment's notice.'

I glared at him. He's playing with me, this man. It's not uncommon for a guy to do something nasty to make me feel a little more interested in him, to make me feel a little more 'me'.
I didn't want to be physically harmed, so I quieted my language a bit.

Who is this guy who talks to me in a friendly way? I don't know anyone like you.
I'm Comet Sakakiki. I'm in the class next door.

Sakakisui. I don't know you.

I don't know. Such a lowly animal.

But he let out a single 'wow' and grinned. He seemed to be involved with a rather troublesome person. I guess the best thing to do would be to ask the teacher for help, but I feel like admitting defeat. My pride is pushing me back, telling me not to rely on others.
I don't know if he is too insensitive to my warnings, or if he simply doesn't know what to be afraid of. He moves away from me a little and opens his mouth again.

'Alina, let's sit down for now.
'No. Get away from me. You're making me sick.'
'Sit down. Let's talk first. Dr. Akakusa asked me to do something for him.

The mention of Dr. Akakusa's name made me yell out.

'Yes? Why is Dr. Akakusa coming out there?'
'I'm trying to rehabilitate you. Here, sit down.

Rehabilitation.
Rehabilitate me: ....... What is he going to rehabilitate me for? My character? Or you can go to .......
I felt betrayed and wondered what my teacher had taught me without my permission.

'Don't get me wrong. I'm not after you. I'm trying to become a bachelor.
'That's disgusting. I'd rather lick a toilet bowl.

I really don't like the tempo of this antics.
But his story has caught my attention. Because I thought it might be a turning point. Maybe it is worth a try.
I pushed down my itch and reluctantly took a seat.

'What do you want? It's really a hassle, so hurry up.'
'I'm here to cure you of your foul mouth.
'Yes? Can you please not do anything unnecessary like that? Who are you anyway? You're really bothering me. I know it's the library and I can't speak loudly, but I just have to say this. Go away.
Not so fast. The beautiful Ms. Akakusa told me directly to take care of Alina. I'm not going to disrespect this.

If I refuse, it's the same as it always has been. I will continue to reject you in the same daily routine.
If I accept here ...... what will change? I could not see beyond that. I didn't remember such a glamorous school life, smiling faces, holding hands and feeling others.
But I can say one thing for sure.

This moment is a turning point that will never come again.

This world that cannot be paused or rewound.
That is why we must think deeply about the present moment, which is in the process of rebirth. I felt that I must take one step forward and one step backward for the future that will soon become a reality.
For the sake of my future.

I understand.

I don't know how I will be led from now on, nor does anyone else. But because I don't know, I can imagine, hope, and think fleetingly. In this way, I will finally be able to cherish the story of "me" that is being written.
I will believe in it.
Slowly, slowly, slowly, let time take its course.