When I heard that there had been a bloodbath, my mind went blank. I don't know what actually happened because I didn't see it firsthand. Dong and the others told me not to go to the scene because it would be dangerous. I was tempted to run away, but I held back because it would have caused trouble for the village.
I wondered if Roma would be okay, and what could have happened to cause the bloodshed. I'm getting worried. ---If only I had been able to get through to him better, he might not have jumped out of his skin. If I could have been more persuasive, if I could have convinced her.
If I had been more persuasive, if I had been able to convince him.
You don't have to be so hard on yourself.
She presses her nose against mine as if to comfort me.
"Hihihi, hihihi," Sifo said, "you wouldn't have stopped no matter how hard I tried.
That's what Sipho says to me.
No matter who persuaded him, Roma might not have stopped. But - if I had been better, I might have been able to keep Roma from running off to those people.
I'm different from everyone in many ways. ---I've never really thought about the pain of being different.
When I was in the village where I grew up, I didn't care that much about my surroundings.
When I arrived at the village of the beastmen and met the elves, everyone was kind and I never felt pain because I was different.
But now, I feel pain because I'm different.
......It's hard to be different from everyone else.
But if I hadn't been different from everyone else, I would have starved to death long ago. And I would have died a long time ago. And they told me that I had these powers that kept me the way I am. That maybe we'd all be dead if it weren't for those different parts.
When I think about it, the fact that I have different powers from everyone else. Whether I'm a godson or not, I'm glad I have that power. ---I'm not sure if I'm a godson or not, but I'm glad I have that power.
It's hard to relate to ---- people.
In the village where I was born and raised, I never felt this kind of difficulty. I was just living my life and not caring for anyone. However, I realized once again how hard it is to face people and be in relationship with them. There are so many people with so many different ideas. All I want is to be able to spend time together, or to create a place where we can all feel safe, but that is a difficult thing to do. ---There are times when people who used to laugh at each other can no longer laugh at each other. Sometimes you can't walk with someone no matter how many words you say to them.
That's what I'm realizing.
I was so anxious about what had happened at Roma's and those people's place that I just leaned on Sifo and spoke to him. I was very anxious. I had a hunch that Roma wasn't coming back.
---And my hunch was right.
This is what I heard from one of the cat beastmen who was on his way to those people.
He got along well with them and went to them. And he lived with them, laughing with them. However, in our village, if we just planted crops and took care of them properly, things would go well, if we went out to look for food, we would find it well, and if we encountered a demon that we could defeat, things would go well, but that did not happen in their village. It seems that Roma brought seeds from this village and planted them to stave off hunger. But it did not grow well. He said that even though the environment was similar, the seeds grew in our village, but not in theirs.
And what was normal in our village was not normal in theirs. I was surprised that it was so different, but Mr. Lan, who was listening to the conversation with me, said, "It's different with Lelanda and without Lelanda...".
People came from villages that were doing well, and they seemed to feel that they might be able to do well in this place, but everything they did was not going well. It seems that the people who tried to capture us when we went to negotiate were the ones who got fed up with this. They killed Mr. Roma, saying he was useless to them. ---And the people who did that were killed by people with a conscience. ...... and those people are desperately apologizing for Roma's murder. They're sorry it had to happen.
At first, I heard this story as unrealistic. ---It was a shock to me that Roma had died.
Then Dong and the other adults continued to talk about them, but it never entered my mind.
---- girl and her people 7
(Maybe the girl who is a godchild will hear the sad news and go blank)