We didn't speak to each other for a while. I didn't know what to say. Gaius was making some kind of thinking gesture. As we sat side by side on the ground, Fresne disappeared so that Gaius couldn't see her, and just watched over us.
"Gaius, you know what?
Lelunda, you know what?
"Gaius, you know what? And for a moment, they both freeze.
"...... Gaius first, okay.
And then Gaius opened his mouth.
I can't divide ....... I can't get over the knights of Migga.
The prince who saved the people of Nilsi's village was the reason my father died and the reason we had to flee. When I think about it, I can't help but feel that I can't forgive him, even if he's not my enemy now.
Gaius didn't look at me. Gaius doesn't look at me. He looks down and spits out the words in a painful manner. When Gaius is in pain, it makes me sad. I love Gaius so much that I always want him to stop suffering. However, I think that suffering with something like this is a sign of being alive.
When I was in the village where I grew up, I didn't feel any pain like Gaius felt. I was just breathing. That's why I feel that way even more.
"I'm sad my dad's gone. I can't understand why he had to die like that. With the exception of Lerunda and Ran, I'm still wary of humans. I can still understand the other humans. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I think it's a good idea. ...... When I think about it, I can't help but wonder why my dad is dead.
It's sad and painful, Gaius says.
The other humans are still able to separate the two. But the knights of the Kingdom of Migga cannot.
"In my head, I know. But... the heart doesn't understand. Now that they've saved the slaves and brought the beasts here, I can say they're on our side. But I still can't get over it. I want to kill him--I'm getting such a black feeling.
Because Athos was killed. Because he was killed in such a cruel way. That's why Gaius can't just be kind anymore. When we first met Gaius, he was a boy who didn't have any feelings of wanting to kill someone.
...... You shouldn't want to kill someone. Lerunda wouldn't like me talking like this, would she?
Gaius finally turned to me.
His brown eyes were shaking with anxiety.
I reached out to touch Gaius' cheek. I reach for his cheek and look him straight in the eye.
I pondered for a moment, then opened my mouth.
"...... I don't know about hate or wanting to kill. But I don't think it's wrong.
I don't know about hatred or wanting to kill. I don't have those feelings. But I didn't want to deny it just because I didn't feel it.
I think it's okay to want to kill. But I don't think it's a good idea to actually do it. I think it's okay to hold on to the thoughts of wanting to kill and hating that are inside Gaius. I can't say that the idea of killing doesn't scare me. But I don't think you have to get rid of it or feel that way.
I'm only eleven years old, so I don't know what the right thing to say is. No, I don't think there is a right answer for this kind of thing. I don't know what answer is right for each recipient. I want to understand Gaius, but in the end I think it is difficult to understand everything.
So I say what I think, even though I don't know if it's the right answer.
I think it's better to hold on to them and not kill them, even though it may be painful. But it's too painful to hold on to. I want you to let it all out. I think it's better to talk it out than to hold it in your mind all the time.
I touch Gaius' cheek with both hands and tell him, staring at him. Gaius looks surprised at my words.
"So let it all out. I can listen. I don't know if you hate me or not, but I don't want Gaius to be in pain. I'll listen to you as much as you want. So don't hold on to your pain.
I don't know if letting it out will make you feel any better. I don't know if letting it out will make you feel any better, but I thought it might make you feel a little better.
I don't know about hate, but I don't want Gaius to suffer. I just want to make him feel better.
"Thanks for the ......, Lerunda.
...... Let me go. I'm embarrassed when you stare at me.
Can I ask you something? I know it's a lot to take in.
Yeah. Tell me everything.
And with that, Gaius opened his mouth.
--The conflict between the girl and the boy 2
The girl talks to the boy, the beastman. The child does not deny the feeling of wanting to kill.