It was like the morning sun starting to rise when Akira came home.
I sat in a chair in the living room and watched as the black slowly turned to dark blue and then to brighter colors.
As I stared at the glittering morning sunshine hitting my face through the window, I huffed as a black shadow came into the room through the open window.
I didn't sleep a wink after all, but the sight of his face made me feel relieved, and I suddenly felt sleepy.
By the way, Crow pulled up to the bedroom early.
He's an old man, so I'm sure he'll be awake in a little while.
I go to run to him, but the thick smell of swollen blood comes from Akira and I stop in my tracks and scowl as I take a step in front of him.
The black cloak has a different color on it than the black, though I have to look closely to see it.
It also felt like it wasn't Akira's, not even for a single gram.
That's what Akira says to me.
What is it that he is apologizing for?
That I stopped him when he was leaving and he pretended not to hear it?
Or that you killed a human, Gram?
Emotions raged through me, and for some reason, tears welled up in my eyes.
'Why ...... why ......?'
Muttering through tears and mumbling, Akira ruffles my hair more roughly than usual and begins to speak nonchalantly.
The fact that he killed a peer who had seen him before he killed Gram - an assassin who was also commissioned to assassinate Gram.
And that he didn't feel anything when he killed a human.
He couldn't see Akira's expression because he was facing away from the window, but he must have looked like he was in pain.
''I was just a halfway decent assassin until now. If I'd done this from the beginning, Commander Saran wouldn't have died.''
I'm sure Akira is talking about when he found out what the kings of the Leytis nation were up to after he was summoned.
Even in this world, there are few people who truly make a living as an assassin just because their profession is assassin.
The occupation you were born with can't be changed until you die, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's an absolute.
There are people like Guildmaster Linga of Ur, who has a completely different occupation, and most of the time they are adventurers.
And yet, Akira chose to be an assassin.
''No! That's not Akira's fault: ......
But I could have killed those guys. I didn't kill them because I was naive.
I was horrified when Akira interrupted me with a quiet, dark voice.
I don't know when he means "that time".
I thought that avenging Saran Misrai would bring Akira out of his funk.
I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that the current Akira is even worse than the last time I forced him to sleep.
But this time there's no point in making him sleep like before.
I have to do something about it.
I wipe my tears roughly with my sleeve and look up at Akira's face, which is backlit.
'...... But if I had done that, I might not have met Akira. I might have been eaten by that slime in the Kantinen Labyrinth and all the magic power would have been sucked out of me. Then I wouldn't have been able to make up with Kirika either. ...... Akira, I can imagine all kinds of things I could have done if I had done that, or if I had done that. But we're living in the present.
"We are living in the moment.
I was surprised at the words that came out of my own mouth, even to myself.
I never thought the day would come when I would say these words to someone else, when I had even wanted to erase my past and what I had done.
'I'm not telling you not to regret it or to think about it. But please don't get caught up in that. The most important thing is what you do with the future. Isn't that right?
Akira's fingers moved briskly in the still dimly lit room and gently touched the eyes I'd wiped wildly.
His hands were surprisingly cold, as if he'd washed them before he came back.
'...... I don't live as long as Amelia does. That's why I don't switch it off so easily and well. ...... I'm afraid of me, I don't care if I kill people, I'm afraid of me. I'm scared of me wishing I had killed the kings of Leytis back then.
This is probably how Akira really feels.
The more he says it out loud, the more he regrets not killing the King of Leytis, but he's afraid of himself for thinking so.
Is it because Akira is a child and his mind is still unstable?
The sound of his voice as he let it all out was somewhat painful.
Akira had lived in a peaceful world until now, and I had seen hell many times in my long life.
There are so many things between us that we don't understand and can't understand each other.
Still, I wanted to be with Akira.
I stepped forward and reached out my hand.
'I'm sorry, I don't know why Akira is so scared. But it's okay. I'm not scared. At least not when you're with me and Yol.
He pulled his head higher than himself to his chest and stroked his wet feather colored hair.
Akira is quietly left to be left alone.
Slowly and gently, as if reminiscent of her mother, she says in a muttered voice.
'Any Akira, I want to be with you. It's the same with Yol. 'What about Akira?'
When I asked that question, a snatched voice's reply echoed in the room.
I feel my shoulders, wrapped in my mind's eye and cloak, are trembling.
I want to be with Amelia and her friends. ...... I also want to be with Amelia and her friends. No matter what happens to me in the future, that's the only thing that won't change.
As she said this, Akira looked up and this time hugged me from above.
'Thank you, Amelia. I haven't fully recovered yet. But I feel better.
I'm glad I could help Akira. Now, why don't you go take a shower?
I popped Akira's back and urged him on.
Akira let go of my body and nodded with slightly red eyes.
I'm sure he doesn't want me to think this, but Akira is honest and cute.